My So-Called Supermom Life

Still Here. Just Quiet.

2012-01-23T09:58:00.002-05:00

I open this page often to write and then I delete it all. Not sure why. I want to be able to write and write and write.....about all the projects happening at the house and about all the cookie craziness with the Brownie troop and work and baby stuff and friends and all that.

But I cant. I am having a hard time putting it out there. Weird huh? I love this blog. I love to write. And I normally feel safe writing here when I dont feel safe talking in "real life".

Today, I am just letting you know I am still here. Just not sure what to say. I am okay. I am working hard (conference is only 3 weeks away). Cookies are keeping my busy --- oh, the life of a cookie mom. And I am spending a lot of time figuring out what is next for me professionally and personally.

Life changed and not sure when or why. I am done mourning those things and people --- and moving on. Done. Now on to new things.................see, the problem is though that is soooo easy to say and type. But my heart still hurts so I guess I am not really moving on, am I?

mark. Excitement!

2012-01-06T09:10:00.002-05:00

Have you ever been to my house? Ever snuck a peak on my bathroom counter? Normally, it is covered with eyeliners, mascaras, blush brushes, and eyeshadows ---- oh I LOVE a new eye shadow!!! I love shopping for makeup and trying different colors. But what I do not like so much is the small mortgageto pay in order to stock up. So I went on a hunt --- to all the makeup superstores and online.

mark. was amazing --- so affordable and so many choices!!! They have everything from primer (seriously, it makes SUCH a difference!) to awesome eye shadow color choices and great skincare. Need a new bag -- well, mark. has that for you too!

I have jumped on this bandwagon full force now. Click here to shop with me! Or click on the logo in the sidebar any time!

That's right -- I am a mark. representative and am so excited! Need new makeup ideas or just want to stock up your makeup bag with affordable products!? I am going to do a weekly post about cool new makeup trends or new products right here! Keep watching for more!

Click here to start your mark. experience --- I promise you will not be disappointed!! Be sure to register on the site so that I can keep you updated on specials and new products. And if you really love it and want to be a mark. representative yourself, let me know and I will send you all the details!! :)

Happy shopping!

A New Year

2011-12-31T07:29:00.001-05:00

If it didn’t Bring you Joy,
Just Leave it Behind.
Let’s Ring in the New Year
With Good Things in Mind.
Let Every Bad Memory Go
That Brought Heartache and Pain.
And let’s Turn a New Leaf
With the Smell of New Rain.
Let’s Forget Past Mistakes
Making Amends for This Year.
Sending You These Greetings
To Bring you Hope and Cheer
Happy New Year!

Author Unknown

2011 was the wildest roller coaster I have ever been on ---- the birth of my second baby, seeing my amazing daughter grow into a fabulous young girl and almost losing my husband to a medial mistake. The recovery from that incident has taken over our lives --- financially and at work trying to get back to a normal schedule and back on track with projects, etc; emotionally and mentally trying to reconnect and for me, trying to manage ASD and finding the right combination of medication and therapy; and just simply learning that for us, there is a "before" and "after". Our lives are not and will not be the same as before the incident (yes, that is what I call it and it works for me). Its was the most heart wrenching, lonely, and scariest months of my life. And in the middle of it all, my baby boy joined our family to remind us that life will go on, that happiness and health are in the cards, and that our family will be a-ok.

So adios 2011. I won't miss you. 2012 -- bring it on!!!!

Together

2011-12-23T23:09:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I found icing in my hair. Today my hands were covered with cookie dough and flour. Tonight, we all loaded in the car and aimlessly drove around for almost two hours just looking at lights. We debated which house was the best and who should have done better.

It was perfect.

This time of year is always my favorite. This year I feel extra fortunate. Grace is still very interested in Santa and seeing the look of magic on her face. And we get to introduce Will to all the fun times the holidays bring. And best of all, I have my whole family here with me: healthy, happy, and together.

That is all I want for Christmas....just us together.

The New Gig

2011-12-15T16:10:00.004-05:00

There are so many things floating around lately --- all with great potential outcomes but they all require thought, conversations, soul searching, and of course more work.

Once I get through all those steps I will let you know what is going on.

But today I can tell you something pretty darn cool ---- I am the new Herndon Family Balance blogger at Examiner.com! Yep, me!!!!!

Check it out -- my own page, my posts on a site with millions of readers. I am just getting started with this but am very excited.

PLEASE tell me what topics you would like to see on the blog - the best suggestions come from the readers.

Oh and visit me often there. And comment too so I know you visited. :)

See you here and there!

Cookies and Giveaways! UPDATED ENTRY RULES!

2011-12-13T10:12:00.001-05:00

Yea for Christmas Cookies! They are one of my favorite parts of the holiday -- both baking them and sharing my recipes with friends. And in that spirit, I joined 15 other bloggers to bring you the 2011 Christmas Cookie Recipe Blog Hop & Giveaway!

My recipe is below --- Triple Chocolate Cherry Cookies. YUMMY! Be sure to enter my contest for a chance to win a Holiday Cookies Essentials basket full of cookie cutters and other fun tools to make your own cookies. Then using the linky provided at the end of this post to hop from blog to blog and collect all the other great recipes and enter to win more great prizes.

(Tip: Create a folder and name it “Cookie Recipes”. Then simply right click on the recipe cards on each of our blogs to save each recipe to this folder. Then, when you are ready to bake, you will have a wonderful recipe collection in which to choose from.)

NOW that’s not all!!! 2 lucky Grand Prize Winners will receive the following prize pack, perfect for hosting your very own cookie exchange party, sponsored by Hershey’s:1 apron
16 bakery boxes to give to exchange participants for keeping recipes
16 sets of recipe cards
3 bags of Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Kisses
2 pouches of Betty Crocker Sugar Cookie mix
1 pouch of Betty Crocker Peanut Butter Cookie mix
1 can of Hershey’s Cocoa Powder

RAFFLECOPTER SIMPLY IS NOT LIKING MY SITE LATELY. SO.....LET'S DO THIS INSTEAD.

LEAVE A COMMENT ON THIS POST TELLING ME YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY MEMORY AS A CHILD. IF YOU LIKE ME ON FACEBOOK (CLICK HERE), EXTRA ENTRY. FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER AND I WILL GIVE YOU ANOTHER ENTRY. JUST LEAVE ME A COMMENT WITH YOUR FACEBOOK NAME AND TWITTER HANDLE. :)

Now that you have entered my giveaway, want more?! Hop on over to these blogs and gather up more delicious cookie recipes and more prizes!

Mommy's Money Saving Madness!

Oh My Gosh Beck!

Racing and Saving Mama

The Denver Housewife

bargains4wahms

Doing Random Acts of Kindness

Celebrate Woman Today blog

Minding Spot

Mommy's Got it All

Saving Common Cents

My SoCalled Supermom LIfe

Emptynester Savings

Bloggie Momma

Bay Area Mommy

Deep South Dixie Couponers

The Never Ending Struggle

2011-12-09T09:32:00.001-05:00

For 7 1/2 years I have been doing this working mom gig. And most of the time, its great - I get adult conversation and a career that I am proud of. At the end of the work day, I come home to people who love me unconditionally and who are always there for a hug.

It's no secret to people who know me that the past year, and even more so, this past spring and summer was filled with the highest highs and the lowest lows. There were days that it seemed would never end; that bad news was all I would hear forever. And days filled with laughter and smiles and love. Most days settled with a little of both.

On the outside, it looked like I was handling it all in stride. And really, for the most part I did. What other choice did I have? My husband and children needed me to be strong and get our family put back together again. Guess what --- we are back to normal. Or whatever normal is supposed to be.

But I changed. My priorities are different. Not that my family wasn't a priority before but now, I struggle inside with guilt and unhappiness when I realize that 3 hours of my time every single day is spent alone in my car commuting. Or that I have to say no to Grace's list of activities she wants to try because there isn't a parent home before 5pm on weekdays. The 120 minutes we spent between day care pickup and bedtime is filled with homework, spelling practice tests, cleaning our room, making dinner, bath, and then sleep. Will is growing up so fast and I am missing it --- one day he was a baby, now he is crawling and sitting up and eating food.

I need balance. I want my career; I love the process of planning an event and seeing it come to life. I also want my family to have a mom who is happy and feeling fulfilled at home and at work. Right now I just feel like I am running to catch up in both places.....and I just never can. I also know I am not alone in this --- every working mom, and stay at home moms too, feel this way.

But starting now, I am going to focus on finding my own balance so that I can have it all.

Wish me luck!

Crazy Month

2011-12-05T09:30:00.000-05:00

December is a month full of celebrations and events and, my personal favorite.....amazing decorations. It is also the month that seems to fill up quicker than any other; its the first week of December and my planner is already overflowing with invites to receptions for work contacts, holiday events for Grace and all her activities, and of course family gatherings.

The house is decorated.....just don't look at the bins still needing to be brought back into the basement for storage. And definitely dont look closely at the shelves --- haven't dusted in weeks.

But at the end of the day, when I see the little man playing with Christmas train toys and Grace making sure we are moving that candy cane along the advent calendar, I smile. Because even in the craziness that surrounds us this month, life is just perfect.

Thankful

2011-12-01T13:06:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving at my house usually consists of me spending hours in the kitchen, a house full of friends and family and football on tv. This year was different.

We boarded a plane....with 2 kids in tow....and I didnt cook one item on Thanksgiving. What I did do was introduce my little family to my extended family....cousins I havent seen in over 10 years and aunts, uncles, and a grandmother who I havent spent enough time with.

It was amazing to see my kids play with the people who saw me growing up. And to see my grandmother smile at my youngest baby......speechless.

The trip made me realize, once again, how thankful I am for my family. For those people who love me no matter what. The people that laugh with me, cry with me, and know just where to find the bargains on Black Friday morning.

This picture is all my cousins in one place for the first time I can remember in a very long time. I love it.

Anne Greene is my godmother. So I guess that makes Will her grand-godson. He just looooooved her. :)

Nanny -- my grandmother --- and Will.. She was so excited to hold him and feed him. Just love the way she is looking at Will in this picture.

A family picture in front of Fenway Park. Grace was so excited to see where her favorite team plays.

Another family picture -- this time at the Make Way For Ducklings statue in Boston Commons. It was a tradition for my family growing up --- and it was so great to bring my family to the ducks for pictures.

8 year wedding anniversary -- and we captured the moment with a great picture of me and the hubby at Boston Commons. Love this picture. Love him. Love us.

Always There

2011-11-17T14:44:00.001-05:00

I got a Facebook message from an old friend last night. We dont talk as much as we used to. In fact, big huge life events have happened to both of us; we know about them but werent really part of those experiences with each other. But she needed me. And so I was there.

You see, her little brother (who growing up was like my little brother) was in the hospital with some mystery cardiac issue. The rest of his family (my friend and her sister and parents) are halfway across the country. No one was at the hospital with him. He was all alone. I promised to fix that.

This morning, after day care drop off, I grabbed a coffee and headed to the hospital. I told myself I would be fine.

As soon as I made the right turn, I saw it. The ER. The helipad. And the building the Hubby almost didnt make it out of months ago. I felt my anxiety level rise. And I completely forgot to take my anxiety medication on the day I really needed it!!! My muscles stiffened up. Its not a place I am really ready to revisit. But I knew that someone there needed me to be there. I parked and spent a few hours there.

Glad I did. And my experiences the past year really did help to ask the right questions, get some test results back a little quicker, and get a plan in place now instead of waiting for days and days and days.

But most of all, today I remembered that just because the phone doesnt ring all the time or just because life has separated you a little bit, some people are always part of your life. They just are. And those people are so worth fighting for.

And yes, I took my meds and called my friend.

My new favorite place?! The Kitchen!

2011-11-03T13:58:00.000-05:00

In the past week or so, my kitchen has seen more action than ever before.

First, I was inspired by this amazing recipe I found on Pinterest (more on that new obsession at a later date!). I wasnt sure how Grace would feel about it -- I mean, what seven year old is really going to be excited about a salad for dinner. I hoped that she would just take ten bites and call it a night. Boy was I wrong! All of us had a second serving and cleaned our plates! AMAZING and so simple to make!!

And then I decided later in the week that I wanted mac and cheese. Homemade mac and cheese. Into the pantry I went and I ended up making my own cheese sauce, mixing it with a box of rotini pasta, and adding pieces of ham steak and broccoli. OMG. It was delicious. Again, another hit at the dinner table. Even the next day at lunch....it was still so good!

Last night the Hubby came home with a sore throat and exhausted. His body is still pretty beat up and he gets sore/tired very quickly. Well, what do you need when you dont feel good!? Chicken noodle soup of course. Normally, I would send him to the pantry and tell him to decide on which Campbell's variety he would like. Or to stop at the grocery store for one of the gourmet selections there. Not last night. After working all day, helping Grace with her homework, and feeding the baby, I wiped up some homemade chicken soup and parmesan biscuits. We added some fun gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches too.

Dont ask me where this domestic diva came from but I kinda love it -- I love being in the kitchen. I love making my family dinner from scratch. And I love that they love it too!!!

Wonder what's for dinner tonight!? How about Lemon Feta Chicken with Oregano and Orzo salad on the side. Maybe I can sneak some asparagus in there too.

Our Trip Around The Sun

2011-10-26T11:49:00.000-05:00

Today is the hubby's birthday.

I woke up early this morning (by early, I mean the clock said it was 3:28 am). I realized that today could have been so different. We could have spent the day remembering him and celebrating his memory. Its was so close to being true back then; I still cant get over those "what if" thoughts.

But we don't have to. Children are such amazing gifts and 38 years ago today, my parents-in-law were blessed with the gift of a baby boy. And today, I feel like my little family has received so many gifts, but most importantly, the gift of my amazingly strong and loving husband.

Am I Making Mistakes or Getting It Right?

2011-10-23T19:56:00.002-05:00

The beauty of "spacing" children many years apart lies in the fact that parents have time to learn the mistakes that were made with the older ones - which permits them to make exactly the opposite mistakes with the younger ones. ~Sydney J. Harris

Oh how true that is at my house!

With Grace, I was very aware of every thing I did --- sleep training, timed feedings, perfectly bundled as soon as the slightest breeze came in the fall.

Poor Will is lucky if I remember his hat AND his coat; normally he gets whatever is in the diaper bag from the last trip out of the house.   Cause you know I never remember to restock the diaper bag!

Now, at 6 months old (can you believe he is 6 months old already!?), I am seeing the opposite traits from Grace. Could it be because of the stark differences in how I managed them as newborns?!

Will was held all the time as a newborn - Grace was held a lot but I was very conscious of wanting to make sure we put her down so that she could learn to hang by herself without being in our arms 24/7. She loved to play by herself on the floor. Will lasts all of 5 minutes, if we are lucky.

Grace had all new coordinating outfits; seriously I could have dressed her in a totally new outfit every single day and never repeat the clothes. Will spends 95% of his time in hand me downs from friends; the things I do by him are cause I have a great coupon or I found them at the baby consignment store.

Grace struggles with frustaration - when things dont go right the very first time she loses it and gives up. But I liked to fix everything for her as a baby right away; did I teach that to her? With Will, I wait for him to try to work it out --- roll the other way to get to the pacifer, hold his bottle with a little help from a toy propping it up so he can figure out how the bottle thing works. Later in life, will he be better equipped to get through things that are a little hard?

Guess we will have to wait and see.

But either way, my kids are awesome just the way they are.

Bullys

2011-10-18T10:46:00.002-05:00

It is my job as a parent to keep my children safe and to help them grow up as happy, healthy, productive people. Really -- the job is that simple. But some days its so hard, so hard that it beaks your heart.

I was sitting on my office floor reviewing a production proposal and making the Laugh and Learn Puppy sing (working mom multitasking!) Friday afternoon when my cell phone rang; the caller id said "Grace's School". Of course, those are the calls you stop everything for to answer.

Apparently, Grace told one of her teachers that she is being bullied. At her day care center but the kid goes to the same school and is two grades older. Maybe bully is the wrong word -- I feel like it gets thrown around a lot but threatened seems a little harsh when we are talking about 2nd and 4th graders. So we are going with bully.

After phone calls with school, the director of the day care, and several chats with Grace, I feel totally helpless. I cant go to school with her. I cant call the other child's mother and scream and yell like I want to. And I cant really fix the problem either. All I can do is equip Grace with the tools to deal with mean kids. I signed her up for a social skills class with the guidance counselor. We are keeping an open dialogue about the issue at home. And we are trying to encourage her to make friends with other kids at day care now that the bully has left (yep - he got kicked out of day care for the same kind of issues!!).

I am proud of her that she wants to try to deal with it; she told me this boy's lunch table on Mondays is near hers but that she likes her table and wont move seats just to get away from him; that she wants to try to handle it but ignoring him cause she thinks he will win if she moves her seat. It made me so proud to hear her say that -- she isnt running away from the problem. But now on Mondays, during the time I know she is at lunch, I worry, And I feel my anxiety rising thinking about my little girl dealing with all this.

2011-10-17T12:54:00.000-05:00

2011-10-07T14:23:00.000-05:00

That's my girl -- up high in a prep stunt at the cheer clinic. She was scared and so proud of herself that night. Normally, she is in the spotter in a stunt so when the high school girlsoffered to let her be the flyer, she jumped at the chance.

Well, not literally jumped. See, that seems to be our problem lately and deep in my gut, I feel like its just the beginning of a larger issue to deal with. Her feet and legs.

Its not a secret that Grace has Marfan Syndrome. She knows that she has to take medicine every morning to keep her heart healthy. She wears her glasses so that she can see correctly. And she is clearly one of the tallest kids in 2nd grade - in fact, she towers over most of her 3rd grade friends.

But now things are starting to pop up that she knows makes her different than other kids. Tumbling for example - I never pushed it when she was little because gymnastics is just something that Marfs cannot do with their loose joints and long limbs. So cartwheels at the cheer clinic -- not so pretty like the other girls. A toe touch jump? Forget about it. She just cannot jump that way and her legs are so long there is no way she has the strength to get them all off the ground at the same time.

After just half the clinic, she started to complain about her knee hurting. And her hip "pops" sometimes too. All on her left leg. The same leg that you can clearly see the loose ankle joint.

And so a doctor appointment has been made knowing that the result of that appointment will mean a trip to a specialist. Beyond that I dont know what the plan is/could be. What I do know is that this is the first major Marfan impact on her day to day life that she is aware of---- and it makes me so worried. Will we know how to explain it to her? Will my sensitive girl be able to deal with the fact that she probably wont be able to cheer or do sports like that as she grows up?

For now, we will see the docs we need to see. And we will enjoy this cheer season together.

Her social life

2011-09-23T12:53:00.003-05:00

Fall has arrived. We are in the third week of school. And both the Hubby and I are getting back to regular work schedules. And the calendar is already full of Grace's social life - cheerleading, swim team, acting classes, and Girl Scouts.

It always amazes me how quickly she can fill up our family calendar. This summer the calendar was full of doctors; now its full of a seven year old's social life. So much more fun. And I am looking forward to all the football games and pom poms, and the splashing, and the performances, and earning patches.

And hopefully Will continues to enjoy his stroller and the carrier as he goes from one activity to the next with his big sister.

Looking Back

2011-09-16T11:04:00.000-05:00

When I look back on the last year or two, it makes me sad. It really does.

There have been six babies born in the last 10 months among our friends. There has been so many hospital visits and stays that I lost count. And there has been other very happy and other troubling times for us and for friends - some that we all talk about and some that no one really knows about.

And that's what makes me sad.

It makes me sad that somewhere along with way over the past two years I have lost touch with myself and with so many people who were, and still are, important to me. If you ask me why I didnt call or what happened, I am not sure that I could tell you. I am sad that I don't know how to reach out to help and I don't really know how to let them help me either. Maybe its too late. I just don't know.

What I can tell you is that when I look around my life today, its so dramatically different than what it was two years ago. There are some things that I am so glad are new ---- my new little man of course and the strength of my and Bill's bond. But there are things that still bring tears to my eyes --- the summer from medical hell continues to cause serious anxiety and depression in me; realizing that friendships I thought would be there forever are changed forever and they really wont ever be the same.

It makes me sad. But somewhere in me is hope that the next two years will be ok.

Wanted: A Thrid Row

2011-08-05T10:20:00.000-05:00

We are starting to return to real life - I am back at work and Hubby is starting to drive again for short trips around town. Grace is hanging with her friends at day care and Will has even started at his own day care (and yes, this makes me all sorts of sad so we will simply not talk about that alot, k?!).

And with all the new normal happening for us, I realize that we need more room. I love my car......its a great reliable and fun car. Love it. But we have maxed out the capacity --- two car seats in the back seat and Hubby and I in the front. No one else can do anywhere with us. And now that Grace is starting her own social life that requires Mom's Taxi Service, it does create an issue sometimes.

I am not in a rush to get a new car and I definitely dont want to add another huge bill to our monthly life either. But yesterday, we went out to see what was on a neighborhood used car lot. I found a few cars I really liked. Even brought one home to test out overnight. Love the car. Love how it looks, how it drives, the options included, the handling, the seats are comfy, and it has three rows. But its not the right car. None of the cars I can afford were the right car.

The pesky third row in the SUVs eliminates all the useful truck space.....if I cant use the third row AND have the stroller and a few bags in the trunk space, what's the point of having the larger car? Folding the third row down just isnt the answer -=-- why have a new car payment and not use the extra space I want to have? UGH.

And so I decided today, I must swallow my pride.........looks like a minivan will be parked in our driveway soon. Maybe not tonight or tomorrow but soon.

A minivan mom I will become. Please dont remind me that I said it would never happen to me.

Never

2011-06-11T13:30:00.001-05:00

Never in my life did I think I would spend so much time at the hospital. Three surgeries for the hubby since March 18 and many many many trips to various doctors and labs for tests.

Never in my life did I think I would be able to read a post-surgery medical report and actually understand 90% of it.

Never did I think that I would have to really and truly think about what "DNR" means to my family - that by far was the scariest moment of the ordeal and one of the moments that is forever engrained in my memory.

Never did I believe that I would have to remind medical professionals that their job is to treat the patient, NOT recite policy to the patient over and over and over again.

Never did I think I would have to pull more strength from the depths of myself so often in a short time.

Never did I think my hubby would have to endure such pain for so long and be brave enough to put on a happy face for our children. I dont know how he stays so positive and patient through it all....I am so proud of him.

Never did I realize how lonely a recovery like this can be but how amazing friendships grow and some relationships are never the same during the most trying times.

Never did I think I would need so much help from my family to simply get through a day - whether its just calling to check in on me or helping with daycare pickups and drop-offs and even sitting in hospital waiting rooms until 3am. We would not make it through the days without such support and love.

Never was I so proud of myself, my children, and my hubby --- this has been the most terrifying, stressful, traumatic experience of my life (and I am sure I can speak for my hubby in that as well) but we have pulled together and our little family is stronger than ever. Grace is amazing -- going with the flow on days when we aren't sure what the doctors have in mind and helping around the house as much as a 7 year old can. And thankfully Will is a portable and good baby --- loves his car seat and stroller and can sleep anywhere! I am learning to ask for help (something I just don't do often) and I am learning who in my life I can truly call for that help at any time of any day. Sometimes learning that hurts -- sometimes its surprising.

I dont know what the end of this ordeal looks like or even when to expect the end. But I do know that we are doing the best we can to move life forward, even if we have to carry a wound vac with us for 6 more weeks or if some of the quality family time is spent playing checkers in a hospital room.

And I know never to say never.

An Update On Us

2011-06-09T11:32:00.000-05:00

Grace is growing up. She is an amazing big sister. The past few months she has really matured and I am so proud of how she has handled the upheaval of our lives. She is an awesome little girl.

I cant believe Will is 7 weeks old. Time flies by so fast. He brings us so much joy during the tough days and makes the good days even better.

Hubby is healing. Its two steps forward, one step backwards around here but we are managing well I think. Recovery sucks and its hard on both of us. We are looking at more long roads ahead and its frustrating, painful and lonely. One day it will be behind us......we just have to take it day by day right now.

Me? I want to blog often but never know what to write. No one wants to hear about this drama every day but thats my life right now. All my stories are about the kids or recovery. But I am fine. Always fine. :)

I am going to post more -- starting tomorrow, I will write about our days and the simple things I am learning to enjoy and the complicated dramas I am starting to understand are better left in the past.

Time flies....and drags on

2011-05-04T17:15:00.000-05:00

Today our family of four is two weeks old. Only 14 days since Will came into our world. And it seems like he has been with us forever. And its been 38 days since Hubby's big medical scare....the episode that goes on and on and on. It really does amaze me that in 38 days he has gone from basically knocking on death's door to holding his baby boy on the couch. I am so thankful for that.

It seems like I blinked and the month passed me by - full of quality time with my Hubby and new baby and some really great bonding time with Grace.

On the other hand, I think we are both getting tired of recovery. We are looking forward to getting back to normal. You might think we are used to this ---- six surgeries since we have got married seven years ago. This time is different. All the other times we had a plan for recovery; there was a definite date to return to work for Hubby and therefore a return to normalcy. This surgeon wont even discuss work. There is no "end date" to this recovery. He was just cleared to try to drive his car in the neighborhood.

But even in its frustrating moments, I am so grateful for this time. Hubby and I have actually talked - we have had weeks at home together while I took care of him after his hospital stay and now that I am home on maternity leave. We have spent more time together in the past month than we have in the past seven years. And he would never would have had the chance to be home with Will for the first few weeks. I have had more time than normal to spend with Grace; she has grown up so much this month - she is truly turning into a big girl....no more little girl there.

These days, I know how lucky I am to have my family. For a few moments 38 days ago, it almost left me. Now that its complete, I am holding on tight.

Introducing...............

2011-04-28T11:51:00.000-05:00

William Ronald.........lovingly known as Baby Will.

Will joined our family without much drama (yeah for no more drama!!!) on April 20 at 1:06pm. He weighed 7 lbs 14 oz (just like his mama!) and was 21 inches long. Long and skinny baby boy.

And labor was awesome. Yes, I actually said that.

After all the events over the past month, my doctor and I agreed that inducing was best so that I could line up help at home while I was in the hospital and even the first few days home. The date was picked and we started the get ready!

The night before induction, we went out to dinner as a family of three, one last time. And Grace spent the night with her MoMo and Papa since we had to be at the hospital before day care opened on the 20th.

We arrived and I was hooked up to the Pitoc.in by 7am. My doc poked his head in right after the IV started and increased the dose --- apparently he didnt feel like spending the entire day waiting for it to work. I agreed---- let's get this show on the road!! By 10am, he broke my water but still no more progression -- only 2 cm and that's where I was when I arrived at the hospital. But the contractions were steady and only about 2-3 minutes apart. The epidural worked like magic!

At 11:30 am, I had progressed to 5cm and the doc went into the OR with another patient; his last words to me were "I will be back at 1pm. Don't have a baby until then, ok?" Sure Doc, I will try my best to do that. My nurse took the chance to go to lunch. I tried to get some sleep/rest but it just didnt work.

As soon as they were all gone, my pain pump (they gave me the little pain button for extra booster meds every 20 minutes!!!) decided to break -- ended up being a low battery but when you are depending on it, those "the pump is broken" beeps are not a welcome sound!!!! Then, all of the sudden, it all felt different. I asked the coverage nurse for my "something extra" --- the extra boost to the epidural only gave me a boost for an hour so I was pretty determined to have the baby in that hour! Only then did my labor nurse return and check me to find that I was ready to deliver. And now we had to find the doctor.

Once the doc came in --- after we paged him back to the room from the OR (don't worry - he was done with surgery but had to skip his lunch) -- we prepped and 3 contractions worth of pushing later, William was born.

Big sister Grace came about an hour later and met her baby brother. She was in love instantly and quite proud to be a big sister.

Polly (the dog) wasn't really sure that first night what to do with this little person who made new noises but has quickly adapted and has become the protective big puppy-sis.

And now we are a family of four. It feels so nice to know that our family is complete.

The Worst Night...and then Week....of my Life

2011-04-15T11:38:00.005-05:00

It's hard to even write about anymore. I have replayed it over and over and over in my head. How did I hold it together? How could we have missed all the warning signs --- sure, hindsight is 20/20 but could we have done something different? What if I hadn't insisted on stopping at the ER?

What happened you ask? Here is the email I sent to family and friends just after I got home the first night.

Here is what I can tell you know --- its 4AM and I just got home. First let me thank all of you for the sprinkle today -- it was so great to see everyone and, even though I was very distracted, celebrate Baby #2. Our baby and family is so blessed to have so many great friends around us.

Hubby spent the day in the ER complaining of immense pain. He was cold to the touch and very pale. I took him to the ER and they sent him via helicopter to FH (another hospital) mid-afternoon. There was clearly internal bleeding from somewhere but no one could find the source of the bleed. He never improved with all the tests and fluids and non-invasive things we tried. He had interventional radiology -- using a probe and camera to go through your veins/arteries looking for leaks -- but nothing was found. It took us a long time to find out where it was coming from. He went into emergency exploratory surgery at midnight and 2 hours later, they found it. The hernia screen that was put in a week ago had to be re-done and there was a tear and bleeding in his abdominal wall around that site. He came through the surgery fine. His aorta was checked and looks great (the best news of the entire day!).

He is still in Trauma ICU and will remain there, on the breathing tubes and ventilator, for at least the next few days..

To quote the surgeon, he is still very sick. Still needing blood pressure support to keep the blood pressure up (which is a total reversal of what we are normally trying to do with him!). His oxygen levels aren't staying up either which was the reason for the breathing tube in the first place. We are doing a wait and see; trying to slowly wean him off these supports so his body can take over the functions as normal post-surgery. Once he is stable, they have to start his blood thinners again and get them balanced so that the heart valve is still safe.

At this point, there is nothing anyone, including me, can do but wait for Hubby to get through this phase. Surgeon is taking things hour by hour still so we are very much in the initial phase of what could be a rough recovery.

What we know now is that Hubby had an internal bleed from a hernia screen that was placed in his abdominal wall only a week prior to this incident. At the end of the day, he bled out a significant amount of his blood volume.

That happened on March 27 and into the morning of March 28. Hubby finally came home on April 4. He has a long recovery ahead - weeks of just resting and letting his body recover from the trauma and to get his body to make more blood. We are starting the blood thinner game again as well -- it's always hard to keep those balanced and now we just have to be extra cautious.

I am doing my best to keep the house together, get the final things ready for Baby #2, and to keep Grace's schedule and life as normal as possible. Somewhere in there I find time to sleep too!

On The Road Again

2011-03-04T08:53:00.000-05:00

With doctor's note in hand, I boarded a plane yesterday and woke up this morning in Jacksonville, Florida. Traveling 32 1/2 weeks pregnant is a totally different experience than any other travel experience.

1. People really are nice . It amazed me how thoughtful and nice other passengers and airline staff were to me during the trip. Normally you are lucky to get a small smile when you say hello to the person sitting next to you on the short flight from ATL to JAX. Not this time. My plane neighbors were putting my bag in the overhead for me. They were making sure I had bottled water all the time. They chatted with me when I walked the aisles to try to avoid the leg cramps that come from sitting too long.

2. Cheese is everywhere. With this whole gallbladder issue, eating meals takes more thought than I am used to. And eating lunch en route is hard. A fiesta salad from Moe's just isnt the same without the cheddar cheese.

3. Baby in the Belly = Ask Mama Weird Questions. As soon as people realize you are pregnant, the questions begin. And even though everyone was really nice, they also asked questions that just seemed weird to ask a stranger. Was this pregnancy planned or an accident? Any complications? Is the baby a boy or girl? Oh, you dont know. Have you thought about circumsion and vaccines yet for your new one? (seriously someone asked me this between DC and ATL!). What is it about pregnancy that makes random people think these questions arent personal and maybe should not be asked of the 8 month pregnant stranger next to them on the plane!!!

But I am here and the trip was fine. Real work begins today for me......precon and then errands for conference and golf!!!

It's Different

2011-02-21T12:55:00.001-05:00

8 weeks and 5 days until #2 arrives. Well, at least according to my What To Expect When Expecting app (yes, there's an app for that). We all know how babies always come on time so I am not holding onto much hope that Baby will show up on that specific day. But regardless, #2 is coming and time is flying by.

When I was pregnant with Grace, the nursery was done by this time. I had all my major gear items. And her closet was full of outfits to be worn.

Right now -- the crib is still in pieces leaning up against the wall in the nursery. There is a pile of miscellaenous boxes that need to be put in storage but right now, the middle of the nursery floor seems to be a good place for them. And the gear we do have is limited to a new car seat and a new pack n play -- both in their boxes and in the garage.

Everyone told me that being pregnant again would be different. And they were so right. I dont find myself panicing over pregnancy symptoms that forced doctor calls last time around. And I generally know what to expect next. I can more realistically plan for the hospital and what I will want with me there. Most helpful has been knowing what gear and brands I liked and didnt like last time - I feel much more in control of the baby shopping list this time around.

Last week's events have got me thinking though -- what if this baby decides to come early? I am so not ready! There isnt a bottle in my house. Or a diaper either. Wipes -- 1 pack that I found in the back of Grace's closet. Guess its time to start stocking up!!!

Nothing Like Some Holiday Drama!

2011-02-15T10:32:00.000-05:00

Valentine's Day is supposed to be a day of romance and going out to dinner and candy.

Instead it was full of IVs, ultrasounds, and doctors.

I woke up at 2AM on Monday morning not feeling well. Honestly, I didnt think much of it -- at 30 weeks pregnant, discomfort is normal. But it was different this time. Pain across my belly and my back. I spent 2 hours being sick every 20 minutes. Even water wasnt staying down. Bad enough that I called the OB at 4AM. Not surprisingly, he told me to come to the hospital to get fluids back in me and we could monitor the baby just to be sure all was well.

My parents dont live too far away but it was the longest 25 minutes ever waiting for my dad to come over to be in charge of Grace and getting her off to school.

At the hospital, the ER sent me straight to labor and delivery and got me all hooked up. The pain was so bad from whatever was wrong that I couldnt concentrate on anything, including the beautiful sound of Baby's heartbeat filling the room from the monitors strapped to my belly. It took 2 IV doses of pain meds for me to feel any relief from the pain. It was the worst, most incapicitating pain I have ever felt!

Finally an ultrasound found the reason ---- my gallbladder is in very very bad shape. Gallstones and gravel/sand. Who knew such a small organ could cause so much pain.

The plan now is getting through the next 10 weeks, deliver the baby, wait about 6 weeks, and have gallbladder removal surgery. In the meantime, I get to enjoy a low fat diet. No cheese, no red meat, no fried anything, no fast food, no creamy dressings. None. So far in the past 24 hours I have eaten jello, ginger ale, and oatmeal. YUMMY.

Snowed In.....Powerless

2011-01-28T19:10:00.000-05:00

I walked in the door from work about 20 minutes before the big flakes started falling....and about 45 minutes before the first reports of serious backups on the roads were reported on the news. I was lucky then.

At 9PM, Wednesday night, the power went out.

Thursday morning we woke up to this outside our window.

10 inches of snow on the front yard. Pretty but wet and heavy. And still without power.

The morning went on.

We helped neighbors shovel their driveways.

Lunch (and dinner) was hot dogs on the grill. For dinner, we mixed it up with some cheeseburgers. I tried to keep doors shut so the house would at least stay warmer than the outside air.

And still the power was out.

I felt bad but couldn't let Grace play in the snow. Or throw snowballs. Or build a snowman. With no power inside, there was just no way to warm her up after the fun outside.

So we all curled up in our beds at 7PM to at least stay warm.

Until, at 3:30AM this morning.....Friday....the lights came on. The tvs started up. POWER was back up.

The first thing I did was turn on the heated mattress pad.

The thing about no power is that there is no heat...in a snowstorm. Cells never work at our house so there was no texting or quick calls to the outside world. We had no way to get in touch with anyone outside of our street. And since we are on well water, there is also no water when there is no power. I also learned that our wall phone dies cause its on a battery backup.

It was a long 30 hours. It got chilly in the house but never miserable. The milk stayed cold...thanks to the snow on the deck. With only a few moments of tears and boredom, we survived.

And when we got home tonight from work and daycare, we played in the snow.

Glad That Day Is Over.

2011-01-25T20:26:00.000-05:00

It was 1:14 am. WHY was the dog pacing around the bed? Not on the floor of our bedroom but walking over us. Polly is almost 100 pounds and was creeping back and forth over our heads like a cat. It woke me up and immediately drove me nuts!!!

And then the beeping. Oh the beeping! Maybe that's what was making Polly so unsettled. So I got up and opened the door. Sure enough a smoke detector battery decided that the middle of the night was the best time to start alerting us to its low battery life status. I took the first alarm I could find off the wall and yanked the battery out of it. Until the beep sounded again. Yep, I took the wrong alarm off the ceiling. Luckily Hubby jumped to it and got that other alarm down before I could totally lose it!

Finally settled back in bed and Polly starts her pacing. Which has also now started Baby #2 to decide that its a good time for tumbling practice. Clearly no one wanted Mama to sleep that night. I sat up and Polly finally curled up. Good right? Nope - cause she curled up on my pillow. That was it.....I walked her down the stairs and into the laundry room, where Polly slept the rest of the night.

By this time I was wide awake. What do you do at 2:30AM when I am awake? Watch a movie on tv of course.

I finally drifted off to sleep and woke up on time to the alarm for the 5:30AM treadmill routine (I am trying to do this regularly but let's face it - if I make it there twice a week right now, that's a success!). After a brisk walk in the basement, I layed back down....for just a minute. Famous last words......I woke back up at the exact time I should be in the car on the way to daycare dropoff. Super!

Grace and I sprinted through the morning routine and by the time we were out the door, I was doing ok on time. A little late but nothing dramatic. Dropped her off and headed to the Beltway. Where there was an accident and a backup at least 5 miles long. And then the guy in front of me while getting coffee was ridiculous and slowed that entire process down by at least 3 minutes.....and when you had the night and morning I had and was already late, 3 minutes is huge!!!!!!

By the time I got to the office, I needed a nap. I looked exhausted. And I was grumpy.

And my computer crashed. 41 days before my biggest event of the year. That I will travel to 34 weeks pregnant and that is totally stressing me out without all the other drama of the day.

Happy Monday.

SO glad today is Tuesday.

All Is Well Now

2011-01-19T14:34:00.000-05:00

At our 20 week sonogram, I was diagnosed with marginal placenta previa. Everything else was perfect - baby measured exactly on time and all the measurements were great. Heart was good. Everything except that super important placenta deciding to attach too low.

The only thing to do is wait. But the waiting was worrisome. Sure, 9 out of 10 times the position shifts and all is well when its time to deliver. But someone has to be that 1 left out. That one who has no option but a c-section and risk of early labor. My mom had complete placenta previa with my sister and it was dramatic and I remember, at 3 years old, visiting my mom at the hospital where she was on bedrest for 3 months. It sucked and I just didnt want that.

I have been wearing my brave face since hearing that news 7 weeks ago. In the big scheme of things, it could be worse. It was marginal previa, not complete. There were no other complications associtated with it so none of the docs were overly concerned. But still, it worried me. It was constantly on my mind.

This morning was the follow up sonogram to confirm whether or not the previa had corrected itself or not. We woke up hopeful. My gut told me all was well. And it is! NO MORE PREVIA!!!!

And even better, the baby is doing great. Perfect in fact. Even measuring a few days ahead so the due date got moved up 4 days.

Which means now I have 4 less days to get everything ready. Guess its time to start shopping for a stroller, bouncy seat and all the other baby stuff I donated a year ago. :)

Christmas Catchup

2011-01-13T14:09:00.000-05:00

A photo post of the holidays and the events of the season..........

The "holiday" season started with new pics of Baby 2. Here he or she is at 19 weeks. We do NOT know the gender and are waiting to find out. It's a surprise!!!!

Me with Baby Jackson.....he was about an hour or so old in this picture. And already the most adorable baby boy ever!!!!!

While trying to get the family Christmas card done, I realized that we have NO pictures of the three of us together. I am always taking the picture and never IN the pictures. So we posed for a few at my mom's house....and they came out pretty decent!

The Gayl.ord hotel near us puts on an ice carving display that is just amazing. This year the theme was The Gringh. I is 9 degrees in the building so we all got to wear these super-stylish blue parkas that Grace is modeling here. Totally worth it -- there is 2 million pounds of ice in the display.

Christmas morning.....my gift to Grace was matching aprons. She and I have spent a lot of time in the kitchen together lately so I thought it was the perfect gift. Recognize the adorable aprons!? They are the same ones that Charlotte and her daughter wear in Sex And The City 2
.

Another super popular present this year was her very own Caps jersey, just like Daddy's. And it has a number 8 on the back - her favorite player, Ovec.hkin.

She begged and pleaded. She made deals with Santa. All she wanted this year was the Nintendo DS. The look on her face when she opened the package was worth every penny spent.

Christmas at my mom's house........and the new cousins all dressed up for the day. Grace is super proud to be a big cousin and just thinks Jackson is the greatest thing ever. I am pretty sure Jackson doesnt mind all the cuddling.

Saying Goodbye to Yesterday

2011-01-13T13:33:00.000-05:00

I started posts a few times and even finished them. Just never hit the publish button. For some reason, I felt the need to write them but just cant post what I wrote. I wrote about raw emotions --- some really happy things and some things not so great. Things that made me cry in the past few months and things I never want to experience again. I don't think I will ever publish them -- in fact, I am deleting them. I feel better just having written them for me.

Its a new year and so many new things are happening. No more looking back. No more trying to apologize for things that happened years ago. And no more feeling bad about things that are not my fault or out of my control. I learned a lot about myself --- what I want in friends, what I need from family, and how I need to treat me. And those lessons were learned sometimes with laughter and fun and sometimes with tears and heartwrenching days. But they are over and I am moving on.

2011 is about me and my family and what we need and want.

Review

2010-11-15T12:23:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year at work - Annual Reviews. My part is due to the boss on Wednesday and so, today, I sit here trying to remember everything I did in 2010. That's the easy part. Its writing about how great I did it and how wonderful all my work has been this year. And yeah, this year was a good one. But I have a really hard time writing these things - I just cant look back on me and write about myself. I find it incredibly difficult.

Which got me thinking this morning about the past year.....some really great times and some really not-so-proud times....some times I will never forget and some that I wish would escape my memory forever. 2010 will go down as a year that I learned more about myself than I have in a long time. It will also go down as a year that shed more tears than most.

As I write this review, I am realizing that while I am looking forward to turning the calendar to a new year, this year was important to experience. I know now what is most important to me and how I want to be treated by my family and my friends and, most importantly, myself.

Cheer

2010-11-07T18:59:00.000-05:00

This fall I have been coaching fall football cheer. Grace loves it. I love it.

Her confidence level has increased. Her focus has improved. And she has made some really great friends. So have I - the other coach is awesome...which doesnt surprise me at all since she is another Jami! :)

Today was the big day - the girls got to perform a routine in front of all the parents, other coaches, and all the other cheerleaders in the program. I am not sure who was more nervous - the 16 of them or Jami and I. Bet it was the coaches!

After 1 minute and 38 seconds, it was over. And the girls nailed it!!!!!

Enjoy!

(password is gocya)

CYA Fall 2010 Spirit Day Performance on Vimeo.

Motivated

2010-11-04T09:34:00.000-05:00

There is a line drawn in the sand. April 1. Its an imaginary line but at that point, I am within 1 month of having a 2 kid house.

I have decided that everything I have been planning on getting done in the next 2 years must be done NOW. As in today.

Kitchen floors - spent 20 minutes to make the decision and they were installed the next morning. Check that off- done!

New, safer pool cover - been talking about it for 2 summers. Its on order and I expect to come home one day between now and Thanksgiving and see it installed. Check that off!

Old cooper pipes + too much iron in well water = pinholes in pipes = holes in ceilings from the plumbers. Well, I decided enough was enough and those will be repaired next week too. Just crossing my fingers and toes and praying real hard that the pipes are okay now. (((If you have an extra prayer for this, I would totally appreciate it!)))

And all those projects lead me to want/need to paint the breakfast area and kitchen - I mean with new drywall repairs, I am going to need to re-paint the ceiling anyway so I mind-as-well paint all the walls too, right?

Then there is the front door. Oh the doors. We need new ones. BAD. Before the winter storms start. Working on this one with the Hubby.

And at some point, we will finish moving furniture from room to room and re-assemble the crib......because in April, of all these projects I am working on, the most important one will be here and need a place to sleep.

Letter to #2

2010-10-26T10:38:00.000-05:00

Dear Daisy -

Yes that is your nickname, Baby #2. Your daddy thought he was very clever when he came up with that one - Daisy as in Oopsy-Daisy. A total surprise. But what a wonderful surprise you already are.

Your older sister-to-be, Grace, talks about you all the time. The other day, she spent her own money on a stuffed giraffe for you - her first gift to her little baby sibling. I think thats really the only time I have gotten teary. In the middle of the mall. It just made me so happy.

Today marks 14 weeks for you and I. Only 25 more weeks to go!

14 weeks

It amazes me how fast you (and therefore, I) have grown. The doc wasn't kidding when she said things just seem to pop earlier with #2! All my "normal" clothes are put away and I am embracing maternity clothes. I will say - WOW - they have gotten so much better in the last seven years!!!! :)

We are already starting to get the house ready for you - when you come home there will be new kitchen floors and a new pool cover to keep all the kiddos safer outside. And Mommy and Daddy are relocating their home office so your room will be all set for you. And of course, Mommy is already scoping out all the baby gear ratings - no hand-me-downs for you cause this Mom gave it all away to charity about a year ago. And so we start over!

Hoping to feel you move around in there soon. Come on Daisy - give Mommy one big kick soon, okay?!

Love you already.
Mommy

Coming in Late April 2011

2010-09-30T07:56:00.001-05:00

Surprised!? Yeah, us too. But after the shock wore off, we have found ourselves so excited. And Grace is simply beside herself and very anxious to be a big sister.

For years, we had said "No more. One and done. Our family is fine the way it is." And that was, and still is, very true. In public, we rarely wavered from those statements. A few of my very closest friends witnessed my baby-itis over the past few years but all in all, our family was complete with just the three of us. Well, over the past year, Hubby and I have had a few chats about it - we weren't ready to declare that we wanted another baby but we also were not ready to say that we were definitely absolutely done adding to the family. If we were blessed with another, fabulous. And if not, that was great too.

Now, here we are........seven years since I was pregnant with Grace, getting ready to do it all over again. And I am so excited.

9week sonogram

Sometimes the best news is nothing.

2010-08-18T11:42:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was full of nerves - the annual visit to Hopkins for Hubby and G's checkups at the genetics clinic. The result of the 6 hours worth of doctor appointments - status quo. And I am just fine with that.

G has always gotten a good report. Hubby, on the other hand, not so much. It seems like every time we talk to someone in the medical field, Hubby needs this or that or something else. We both feel this way. This time, though, was different. While he is getting a referral to see one of the other rock-star cardiologists at Hopkins for a consult/review, he got a good report. No surgeries in the near future. Meds stay the same and we even got to add the mirable drug that is currently in trials for Marfan patients. (And yes, I AM that excited about adding a medication - this med is doing remarkable things for Marfan patients with the kind of aorta damage that Hubby has.)

I woke up this morning feeling so much better. We got through it - surgery #2 is over. Yep, Hubby will tick forever but with a good report from the Hopkins docs, I feel like I can relax and move on from that whole surgery management (thats what I call my role in the procedures!).

First order of business --- get the whole family eating better and in shape. This weekend the cabinets will be cleaned out - junk food goodbye!!!! Menu planning will start again for all of us. And then the shopping shall begin - a treadmill. Even got the good doc yesterday to help with my argument for a treadmill in the basement. Does that really fit in with the man cave decor thing going on down there? Not sure but oh well! Sorry babe! :)

Of course, as I browse through treadmills online, the ones with all the super cool features are $2,000. Really only want to spend half of that at most. I need some ideas of good treadmills and then I think a trip to the mall with Hubby is in order to test them out. Could treadmill shopping be considered a date night trip?!?

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. ~Sicilian Proverb

2010-07-06T10:23:00.001-05:00

This weekend was Fourth of July. Each year, our friends and family come over to cookout, hang out by the backyard pool, and shoot off fireworks. And each year, I learn something new - usually things like "next year, I will only use disposable cups so I dont have to do dishes for 3 days" or "make sure towels are washed each night so we dont have to use the good bath towels on the last day by the pool".

This year I have learned something a bit more important - friends make the world go 'round. Seems simple enough but its not - it is the most complex lesson I have learned in a long time.

A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. ~Lois Wyse

Looking around the pool deck this weekend, I realized just how different my friendships are. Some were new friends choosen by Grace - as she makes friends at school, I find myself also starting new friendships with the parents. Others were friends I knew from work - people I really enjoy being around and am excited to make a bigger part of my "out of the office" life. There were people there who I or the Hubby have known for more than 10 years, the people who helped make us who we are today. Some of them I talk to all the time. Others I havent talked directly in months - and now cant wait to see them again.

Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie. ~Robert Brault

A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself. ~Frances Ward Weller

My friends told me things this weekend. Without speaking, they told me things. Things like "Miss You!" and "We should get together more!" and sadly things like "I dont think you are my friend". It made me sad (and still makes me sad) to think of - that I tried to support my friend(s) but the intentions were taken out of context and differently than intended. I can (and did) explain and thats it. I have to let it go now. Sometimes walking away and getting away is the best thing to do, even when all you want to do is be there. Because sometimes caring too much is a bad thing and silence is sometimes better than the truth.

At the end of the weekend, I know that I am lucky to be surrounded by such fantastic people who I get to call friends.

If fame were based on kindness instead of popularity, on understanding and not on worldwide attention, you would be the biggest celebrity on earth. And to my heart, you already are. ~Anonymous

The Last Day

2010-06-23T08:36:00.000-05:00

Is it really the end of June?! Cause it feels like September was just yesterday.

Today is Grace's last day of kindergarten.

I cannot believe it.

On her first day, she was so excited. Excited about her big girl backpack and being at the big school. She was a little nervous about all the new kids but was happy to meet new friends.

It wasn't always the easiest year for her - she struggled with reading and math but as the weeks went by, she got better and better at it all. She made friends. She started Girl Sc.outs and decided that music class is the best part of school.

This morning, she was excited too - about summer starting and about going to first grade. But she was a little sad to leave her friends that she has gotten used to seeing every day. She picked out her own outfit, grabbed her backpack, and ran to the car, anxious to spend the last day of school with her friends before the summer starts for her at 12:30PM today.

It just amazes me how much Grace has grown up over the school year. Time really does go by quickly when you aren't looking!

The Bad Guys

2010-06-01T20:33:00.001-05:00

Grace asks a lot of question. A LOT of question. ALL THE TIME.

Tonight, we were stumped.

Are there bad guys on the other side of the ocean? Yes there are, Grace.

Are there bad guys in America? Well, yes there are, Grace.

Are they going to come in my house and get me? Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm.........................

She asked us if the bad guys have guns, if they were going to come in her house with the guns, and even said we should just stay inside all the time so they cant find us.

We want to be honest with her about it but wow - we weren't really prepared for that one. First of all, we have no idea where she got these ideas about bad guys. I want her to understand that there are bad guys out there and that is why following rules like staying close to us when we are out is important. But being afraid - I dont want that for her.

Bad guys are out there. They are across the ocean and the evening news is full of stories about bad guys here. But most people are good. I have to believe that and I want her to believe that. When we were kids, my mom thought nothing of letting us play outside along or walking to my friend's house a mile away. These days - NO WAY. Its sad really but thats the way it is now.

Now to find a way to explain it to Grace without scaring her.

LIving Out of A Suitcase

2010-05-13T07:39:00.000-05:00

The Keys were awesome. Best vacation yet. I missed the little girl but it was so nice to spend time just Hubby and I (and a few friends along the way) to reconnect and just have fun.

We are all unpacked from that trip. And tonight, I will repack for a family road trip this week. My little brother (well, I guess he isnt so little anymore!) is graduating college. Its been a long road these past 7 years for him so this weekend is a big deal. And somehow I got volunteered to pack all his stuff in the apartment for the move home!!!!

Next week I get back on a plane to head back to FL for a conference site visit. Sure, its Florida in the spring but its still work and it still means living out of yet another suitcase.

How many more days til June when the travel insanity ends?!

Keys - here I come!!!

2010-04-27T08:29:00.001-05:00

In 46 hours, I will board a plane and go here.

But before that, I have to:

clean the house (again!) after Grace's fun and messy playdate yesterday friends
go grocery shopping to stock the house with Grandma's favorite soda and foods
do two loads of laundry and get all the clothes put away
finish packing my and the Hubby's things
type out Grace's schedule and routines for Grandma
write a Permission to Treat form just in case Grandma needs it with Grace
Finish the seven things left on my work to do list including briefing my boss on all the logistics of the meeting that will happen while I am on vacation

The first few days will be filled with those frantic last minute details of a wedding. Our friends are tying the knot on the beach Saturday night. Hubby is in the wedding and I have been given the title of Wedding Guru (aka the person who has to make sure that it all happens according to the bride's planning.....and I have a 38 page event guide to help me do just that!).

After those few days with friends, Hubby and I head to Key West for some "just us time". And we are staying here:

Hubby and I have been married for six and a half years and sure, we have taken trips here and there. Mostly to friends' weddings. But we have never taken a vacation just to go on vacation just the two of us. And so, starting Thursday morning, Grace will hang with her grandparents and we will take off on a week of adult only time. I am so excited I cant see straight!!!!

But before the fun starts, that list must be completed.

2,191 days

2010-04-11T20:43:00.000-05:00

Six years ago tonight (I am writing this Sunday night), Hubby and I went out to dinner, did a grocery store run, and went to bed early. At noon Monday morning, April 12, 2004, our family grew by one.

And its been an adventure ever since.

When I look back, I can hardly believe its been six years! I remember so clearly how it felt to be pregnant, how long those 13 days were that passed between her due date and the day she finally came, and every day, the love I felt the moment I held her the first time grows and grows.

The past year I have watched her grow up so much. Sure, she is taller and her feet are bigger but in other ways, she has changed so much. Her "babiness" is gone - she has turned into a "real kid" complete with her own thoughts and opinions. She is making new friends, makes very definite decisions about what is and what is not cool to wear, and asks questions to learn the whys and hows of what is going on around her.

When Hubby was recovering from surgery, Grace was my little helper, nursing Daddy back to health and helping me take care of the house. It amazed me how grown up she was - how she handled the stress of post-surgery life.

Six years seems like such a long time but it went by too fast. She may not be a baby anymore, but to me, Grace is still my baby. My grown up big kid but my baby just the same.

Flour, sugar, and some eggs - that's all it takes!

2010-04-09T14:31:00.000-05:00

Why is it so hard to order a children's birthday cake with a few princesses on it with 36 hours notice?!

WHY do the grocery store bakery people hate me so!?!?!?!?

Okay, whatever.....I totally ignored your notice on the website that says "Please order cakes 48-72 hours beore the desired pickup time".

Get some flour. Grab the industrial size bag of sugar back there in the bakery and throw in some eggs. Bake and frost! Stick some princess figurines on top and write G R A C E across the top. See???? NOT hard to do.

Guess what I am doing this weekend???

Baking a birthday cake for Grace's party on Sunday......cause Mommy slacked off ans screwed up the bakery order again......sigh.

What Makes Me Smile

2010-03-30T07:58:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the sweetest moments in life are captured on my cell phone camera - this one happened to be while waiting at Len.s.Cra.fters for Hubby's new glasses.

But its these small fleeting moments when Grace still allows us to cuddle her like a baby that make me smile.

Nothing a Staple Gun Cant Fix!

2010-03-24T19:45:00.000-05:00

Project complete.

And here is the final result next to the original chair. See?! They really needed that new fabric - the yellow paisley with plastic covering was horrible; probably very expensive and very fashionable in the early 1970's but it was time this girl claimed the chairs for 2010.

SO easy to do and all it cost me was $25 in fabric (on sale AND found a promo code online - DEAL!!!) and a missing piece of skin on my thumb from working the staple gun for 2 hours.

But damn - they look like new chairs! Love it!

Now off to figure out what the next project is around here...............

I Have Been Warned

2010-03-12T10:38:00.002-05:00

Grace: Mommy, you might get a headache.

Me: Really? When I am getting this headache? (Frankly, I had one DURING this conversation!)

Grace: At the kindergarten singing assem-ly.

Me: Oh. I dont think I will get a headache, Grace. I am very excited to watch you and your friends sing songs all together. (Yes, I am super psyched about watching 75 kindergarteners sing songs loudly while all us K-parents take pictures and video. After which I get to go out for a girls night out!!)

Grace: Well, Mommy, there are going to be all the morning children and the afternoon children. And all the Busy Bees children too. (Note: The busy Bees are the other kindergarten class - they all have their own "class name"....Grace's is the Dolphins). And we are all gonna be singing together and doing the movements all at the same time. So you are going to have a headache I think.

Me: Oh. (Those are the only words I could say without bursting out laughing.)

Grace: Yeah and the parents....you cant talk or eat cause its in the PE room and there is no eating there. So dont bring me a snack, okay?

Me: Got it. No snack.

Grace: And the parents cant sing with the children. Cause then you couldnt hear the kids singing. Okay?

Me: Okay. Any more rules I need to know?

Grace: Not today. But I really think you are going to have a headache.

Well, thanks for the warning.

Answering the Tough Questions - My Way

2010-03-11T12:43:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite bloggers write a post today about answering tough questions with kids. And she invited others to post about it as well. Unfortunately, the conversation about death and heaven has been had many times in our house. And somehow, those conversations, though they can be sad, are good ones for us - we get to talk about those loved ones who are no longer with us. And so I am sharing my thoughts on the subject.

There are some questions that a parent is never ready to answer. And they seem to come a lot sooner than you expect them to! By now, Grace has asked most of them:

Mommy, how did I get in your tummy? (the answer right now is "Magic" or "God put you there").

Hey Mom. Am I going to get boobies too? (the answer? One day in a loooooooooooooooong time).

Recently, we went through some sad times in the family - we lost my dad's stepmother and his father within a week of each other. Grace knew Oma and Opa; they lived close by and spent holidays and special occasions with us. She thought Opa was the funniest man alive (and sometimes, she was right).

The hardest part was telling Grace that her beloved Opa died. I cried. She cried. Which made me cry harder.

Grace is 6. And in her short six years, we have had the "death conversation" too many times. Our cats died. Hubby's dog died. My grandparents passed away. And each time Grace asks about Hubby's mom and dad, her grandparents, we have to explain that they died before she was born.   Even during Hubby's last heart surgery, Grace was concerned that Daddy would have to go to heaven cause the doctor might not be able to "fix him". It took lots of reassurance to let her know that Daddy was going to be okay.

Whether you believe in heaven/purgatory/hell or not, its not an easy conversation to have with a child. Heaven isnt a place you can go and visit and get acquainted with - its an abstract thought and at six, how much of that is she really understanding. Or does she even believe in that theory? She does now because I do and that is what I tell her - that those people who are no longer with us, after they die, they go to Heaven. And Heaven is a place where everyone is happy and healthy. Grace tells me it is also a place where dogs can swim and run and catch balls. Okay. Works for me.

Every once in awhile, she tears up and asks to see Jake-dog or that she wants to meet her Grandma Katy. Hubby tells her that she can look in her heart and that is where they live now.Shortly after Opa passed, Grace asked to write a letter to him and Grandma Katy and Grandpa Ron. Sure, I said. You can write them a letter anytime or you can even talk to them in your dreams while you are sleeping. Grace's biggest concern - whether or not the mailman will know which heaven to bring the letter to when she mailed it.

Maybe she is right and I am wrong - maybe there is more than one heaven. Who really knows!?   What I do know that is I believe there is some place that souls go after death. Not a tangible place but there has to be somewhere, Because to me, its too sad to think that my beloved grandfathers and grandmothers and friends and in-laws who arent here with me are just gone. They are somewhere, even if that place is in my heart and not real - they do live on, And that is my heaven. One day, Grace can decide what she wants to believe in but for now, that is what we teach her.

Of all the questions she asks, the heaven questions are tough. The death questions are hard too - how do you answer a child when they want to know WHY someone died? They got really sick and the doctor couldn't make them better - well, I dont want her to twist that and be terrified every single time she is sick too.   They were old and when you get old, you die. Ummm, nervous about that simple explanation as well - she thinks of me as old so will she think every one older than her is about to die?!

But the question I struggle with the most is: Where was I before I was born? Was I in heaven then too?

Ummm, I got nothing on that one. When I think of an answer, I will let you know.

Can I Get One More Hour, Please?!

2010-03-10T11:03:00.001-05:00

The eternal struggle - I just need one more hour each day. I could do so much with that hour. But then again, when I look back at my day, I realize that I wasted so many minutes that I did have that extra hour - I just didnt use it well. I mean, really, I didnt NEED to sit and read the entire Gla.mour magazine the day it came in the mail. Instead, I could have folded that laundry that is still in the dryer or I could have cleaned the kitchen and dining room or even sorted all the piles of papers in the home office.

But I didnt.

At work, going into conference time, I am uber-organized. Binders, files, and lists are all over my office and perfectly color-coded and together. The day after the big event, all goes to hell. My office looks like a tornado blew through - granted its all from the shipment that just returned but still...it looks bad!!

It amazes me that as organized as I can be at work, I am nowhere near that at home. Things just happen at the house -there hasnt been a real system of organization there.

I am feeling inspired. One of the projects is to organize life. Mine. Hubby's. Grace's. All of us getting on a schedule and getting things done so that we actually have free time, not time we are spending doing fun things knowing that we should be doing something else.

Today - I am calendar-ing for the next few months. At the office I mean. I started a home calendar a few weeks ago and even though Hubby hasnt gotten used to checking it, I am loving it. Except when I look at it and realize there is something for one of us on every single day between now and the first week of April.

With all that going on and knowing that more is coming, I just want to get us all on one page. There are a few work trips for me, doctor appointments to make for Hubby and Grace, and all of Grace's activities.

Any great tips out there for keeping a family schedule somewhat organized?! As Grace is getting older and has her own little social life, it just gets harder and harder.......I feel like we are pulled in 3 different directions all the time. It would be nice to have actual time to spend as a family, NOT doing errands of some kind.

Project #1 of 28,387 Projects

2010-03-08T16:46:00.004-05:00

This is my house. Its been Hubby's house for over 30 years. 4 years ago, we moved in as a family and now it is our house.

Slowly we have updated things in the house. First it was carpet and flooring (I refused to move in until that was done!) and then we decorated the bedrooms and family room. We have grand plans for the house....just not the grand wallet that it requires. For years, I have simply added things to my mental wish list for the house - tearing down walls, gutting the kitchen, building a new deck, hiring landscapers to redo the yard...the list could go on and on and on.

But reality is what it is. I havent won the lottery and the house still needs fixing.

We made a project list for the summer. The list is a little intimidating - no, its a LOT intimidating. I am going to have to find that DIY gene that is in me somewhere. But I know that when its done, one project at a time, I will be very proud that I did it. When I look back at the work we did already - bedrooms were painted and new floors installed when we moved in, I am reminded -the hard work is worth it in the end to make it our home.

So.....first project I am undertaking is going to be a simple one. Crossing things off the list keeps me motivated so I thought that would be a good place to start. Project: Recover the kitchen chairs. And then the decision making stalls. I went to 3 fabric stores yesterday - everything I like is crazy expensive and the things that are inexpensive look cheap. But here are the ones I like now - I am open to opinions and suggestions.

Updating the kitchen/eating area is one of the projects on the list so the chairs will have to match the updates in that room. Years ago, I decided on a primary colors kitchen - I have the red Kit.chenA.id things and our everyday plates for white with blue rims. Basically going for a primary colors striped look in the drapery, etc.

Here are some chair cushion fabrics.....what do you think??

This is the simple, matches everything canvas fabric. Fashion Fabrics Club has a great price on this.

I could use this striped fabric - love the primary colors. The rest of the kitchen could stay basic as the chairs would be the design inspiration. I saw this at JoAnn Fabrics.

This is still basic in its color but adds more interest to the chairs. The rest of the kitchen would stay basic. This is from Fabrics.com. They have the reverse color as well.

I like all of them.....for different reasons. If you ask me right now which I would choose, I would pick one of them but 10 minutes from now, I would change my mind.

UPDATE: I did it. I bought #3 for the kitchen chairs. It was my favorite and when Hubby actually agreed that he liked it, I did not hesitate. Should arrive at the house in a few days!!!

Broke The Rule

2010-03-05T12:18:00.002-05:00

We have a rule in our house - no electronics on school nights and normally, no big events during the week. Otherwise. all hell breaks lose the next morning as we are all rushing to get to school and work on time.

But sometimes, we need to break the rules. Grace loves hockey. She gets that from us - our first date was a Capit.als game. O.vech.kin, without even knowing it, helped Grace learn the number 8 - its his jersey number so that is how she remembers the number. Seriously.

Last night, we treated Grace to a special night out - a school night hockey game. We sat in the last row of the top section. We spent $5 on a bag of popcorn that wasnt nearly as tasty as Hubby's popcorn at home. And she had a soft pretzel and Dippin' Dots for dinner. Worth every penny and every second.

She was so happy every time her favorite players were on the ice. She cheered and danced for each goal. And we all got to spend time with Uncle Tom, Hubby's BFF from childhood and Grace's godfather.

Was it the smartest thing to do the night before Hubby and I had a meeting at school? Probably not. Grace's bedtime was only a few minutes into the first period. But we needed to blow off some steam and break the rule - sometimes you just have to. And last night was great!!!!

Struggling

2010-03-04T09:16:00.001-05:00

104 days of kindergarten. Yes, we count. Well, we dont count but the kids do every morning in class. They had a big 100 Days Celebration on Friday.

On the first day of school, she was so excited to be a school-ager. New backpack, a whole new wardrobe (cause you cant start a new school year wearing the same ol' things!!), and the anticipation of learning to read and write.

Wish it was that easy.

Grace is struggling. With everything it seems. She is so smart so why is she having issues with reading? Why, since she is constantly writing and coloring at home, does she have troubles with those things at school? And what is it about a classroom full of children that causes her to lose focus? All questions that we are fighting to find answers for.

Last night, over dinner, she told me all about her visit with Mrs. W., the occupational therapist at her school. To Grace, its another teacher to help her. They cut, they wrote, they drew pictures - all this to help her fine motor skill development. And Grace thinks the pencil holder is the coolest thing ever. And in the coming days and weeks, she will visit the speech therapist, the school psychologist, the reading teacher, and the resource teacher.

In all my Marfan Syndrome research, I always focused on the medical aspects - cardiac and eye issues mostly because those were the things that seemed to affect Grace the most. Now I am quickly learning about the other Marfan related issues, like fine motor skill development. Apparently, it is not uncommon for Marfan children to struggle with things like handwriting - who knew!? And in that, we are having to teach the school more about Marfan so that they can help Grace. Its exhausting but that's what Moms and Dads do - we fight for our kiddos.

I dont know what the outcome of all this will be. Will Grace catch up with some additional instruction from these support teachers? Is it better to have her repeat kindergarten to get more confidence in herself? Are the class sizes so big that Grace needs a different environment to thrive in school? Only time will tell, I guess.

I know that my job is to fight like hell for my little girl but I am so frustarated and sad for her that she doesnt enjoy school and that she has to go through all of this. I realize that she is young, that it is best to get these "interventions" in place now while they are easier to correct but why Grace? Why my baby who already has so much to deal with - Marfan Syndrome isnt going to make her life easy so why does she have to have a hard time at school too? Life isnt fair, I know, but this sucks.

Tomorrow, Hubby and I have a meeting with the school social worker - an interview about our family dynamics and how that impacts Grace. Sounds like fun, huh?! And I will use the time with the social worker to find out how we can make things easier for Grace and fight to get her all the help she needs.

Goodbye

2010-01-27T23:02:00.000-05:00

Life goes in cycles. There are times when every weekend a wedding is scheduled. Then comes times where babies are born. And then there are times when you have to spend more time than you prefer at funerals.

And that time is now for my family.

Oma was sick for so long and hasn't recognized anyone for about two years now. She left mentally/emotionally years ago. Oma passed away last week - she can finally rest and we had the chance to actually mourn her passing. It felt like she passed years ago but it was impossible to say goodbye to her until she physically passed. A very smart lady and my grandfather, Opa, loved her every day of their 40 year marriage.

Oma's memorial service was Monday afternoon.

Opa passed away Tuesday morning. He has struggled with cancer for about ten years (or more).

Less than two weeks ago when Oma died, I went with my dad to tell his father (Opa is my dad's father - Oma is his step-mother) and Opa, while unable to get out of bed, was able to eat a sandwich on his own and hold a conversation. Monday afternoon he was unable to speak a complete sentence. He was clearly dying. He has been sick for such a long time but it wasnt until he knew about Oma's death that he allowed himself to start the process of dying.

He saw his entire family on Monday. He knew Oma was at peace. All his jobs on earth were done and he could let himself be at peace as well.

We love you Oma and Opa. We have so many great memories of you (did you realize that you wore the same outfits to Grace's baptism and Meg's wedding a year apart!?!?) and, even in your deaths, showed us what devotion and love you had for each other and your family.

Yes, I actually had FUN working out this weekend!!!!!

2010-01-18T10:12:00.001-05:00

***Wow, I havent blogged since Thanksgiving!!!***

The countdown tickers stare me in the face every time I look at my personal emails....2 weddings this spring. One that I wear a gorgeous blue bridesmaid dress that shows off arms and the other in the Florida Keys.....both weddings require me to get my butt moving and back into my gym routine. And frankly, the treadmill is a little boring AND isnt helping me make my arms look "bridesmaid dress worthy".

So, when my friend Jenna asked if I wanted to go to an exercise class with her this past weekend, I thought "YES YES YES!". Maybe a group class will motivate me. Having someone who is expecting me to show up with force me to get in the car and go.

And the class was awesome. And 2 days later, my arms hurt, my abs are sore, and I love it!!!!! If I am hurting, it must have been a good workout.

And besides the great workout, you know we all want to learn to swing on those shiny poles!! Admit it. You do. And it was awesome!!!!!!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow!

2009-11-29T14:52:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, I rejoin the working world - commute, emails and voice mails all day long, and office politics - here I come.

For 3 1/2 weeks, I have been home, taking care of the hubby as he recovers from open heart surgery. Its been exhausting at times, relaxing at times, and there were even times that I enjoyed being home playing nurse. We had a lot of together time...not really talking about deep issues but just time to hang out.

Now I am heading back to the office and to real life. Part of me is really looking forward to getting back - honestly, being at home the past week or so has been a little lonely for both of us. Sure, we love to hang out but I think we are both missing the little bit of social life we had - Hubby's ability to grab a beer with the guys or my work events after the day is over to see all my industry buddies. Starting tomorrow, we may be able to get some of that back. Little by little, Hubby is getting that back too.

We still have a long way to go in recovery but I am hopefully that tomorrow is the first step back to the normal insanity we call our life.

SAH

2009-11-20T13:03:00.001-05:00

While taking care of the hubby as he recovers from surgery, I have been able to do some of the Mom things I dont get to do all the time during the day - including attending 2 Thanksgiving events at Grace's daycare and school.

So adorable.

Daycare had Thanksgiving lunch for the parents and we surprised Grace when Daddy showed up for that on Wednesday.

But the true highlight of the week was her Kindergarten Thanksgiving Show yesterday. Video below - I edited it from 17 minutes to just over 10 minutes....seriously adorable. (password is grace)

Thanksgiving Show 2009 from Jaime Barnhart on Vimeo.

Home.

2009-11-12T14:01:00.000-05:00

This is what a happy patient looks like when he is finally home with his girls.

Day By Day

2009-11-09T20:01:00.000-05:00

Surgery recovery is hard. The incision hurts. Nurses poke with needles at all hours of night. Sleep is non-existent. Machines beep. And you have to drag an IV pole everywhere with you for days at a time.

What no one tells you is how boring it can be too. You can only watch bad daytime tv for so long. Magazines get so unexciting. Yes, even the crappy gossip mags arent entertaining anymore.

Today we spent time napping and reading and did some Christmas shopping research online for Grace.

And tomorrow, we will probably do the same thing.

We are both really looking forward to going home to our own bed, our own tv selections, and most of all, our little girl.

Status Update

2009-11-08T21:57:00.000-05:00

Its been a really long 4 days but we are almost home.

Surgery was a few days ago and Bill has made such good progress. Less than 24 hours in ICU and this weekend in the cardiac unit, he has been a good patient. A few more days and we can head home to recover.

For now, we spend our days taking slow walks around the unit and breathing exercises to help his lungs expand. And every 4 hours we push the call button for some pain meds.

We had a steady stream of visitors today. It amazed us. The hospital is an hour from home yet so many of our friends made the trip to spend some time with Bill. We really are lucky to have such good people in our lives.

We are both tired. . We are both anxious to get home but dedicated to waiting until his body is ready. We both miss Grace. And most of all, we both know how lucky we are to live so close to such remarkable doctors that gave Bill new parts so he can live a long life with us at home.

Tick Tick Tick

2009-11-05T22:00:00.002-05:00

5 1/2 hours of waiting. Three update calls from the OR nurse. Two magazines read cover to cover and back again. Two trips to the coffee cart for more caffeine.

And one really happy wife when the surgeon came out and said that the surgery went well and the patient was great!!!

On Thursday, B had aortic root replacement. We had hoped going into the OR that the aortic valve could be saved - the valve-sparing procedure was just what we really wanted to do and it seemed that B was a good candidate for it with this surgeon. Once in the OR, the aortic valve was damaged - a few tears and holes in the flaps indicated that it would have to be replaced within 10 years so the surgeon decided to replace it now. A good decision as we would prefer to avoid this in the future but honestly, we were a bit disappointed. With the mechanical valve, B will need to take blood thinner for the rest of his life. You can hear the valve clicking - it sounds like a faint tick of a clock. He says that he can feel it too. Over time, we wont hear it anymore cause we will be used to the sound. However, sitting in a meeting or in an elevator, people around B will hear it.

B is doing so great......22 hours after being wheeled into the OR, he was released from ICU and is now resting in the cardiac surgery unit. And it looks like we will be out of the hospital on Tuesday.

Just Being

2009-10-27T12:54:00.000-05:00

I think there are things to talk about but just not feeling the right words. I was totally ready for it and now that its here, I am getting a little overwhelmed (already!) with the prep work. And its only been 24 hours since the date was chosen. Right now, I am just listing out things to do and trying to cross them off one by one.

More later...but right now, I have to type out Grace's weekly schedule.

Picture - Frame Wanted

2009-10-14T11:30:00.001-05:00

I take a ton of pictures of Grace. I post them on this blog. I upload hundreds every month to Shu.tter.fly and email them out to my family. Even have a great share site now - go visit! There are some great ones of me and Grace and of Hubby and Grace. But very rarely do we actually end up with a decent picture of all three of us together. One of us, usually me, is behind the camera or one of us just looks ridiculous when the pictures are done.

But this weekend, we got one. Finally. First decent family picture in ages.

Is it perfect? No. But we all look okay. Having this picture now is perfect timing......the background was gorgeous, its almost time for the annual "holiday card decision", and frankly, life is about to get a little insane with surgery and all that comes with that. I am just glad that today, I can look up from my work and there on my desk is a picture of my family.

Freeze Tag

2009-10-08T11:10:00.000-05:00

Remember that game? We all played it at some point - at the playground, at school, in the neighborhood. You run around as fast as you can trying to get away or hide or at least be doing something. And then you get tagged and have to freeze in place, just to wait for someone else to "un-freeze" you. Just be careful not to get caught by the "It" person cause then you are frozen in place all over again.

And so we are playing this game again. But this time, the "It Person" controls the schedule at the hospital, Hubby and I are constantly frozen, and the other people who can unfreeze us are all supposedly talking to each other about Hubby but not coming over to "unfreeze" us.

Loved the game 25 years ago. Today, it sucks.

My Lifeline

2009-10-01T13:28:00.000-05:00

My mom will tell you that as a teenager, you couldnt get me off the phone. I BEGGED for months before I was allowed to have a phone in my room....and thought it was soooo cool when Mom and Dad backed down and gave my sister and I our very own phone line in the house. And my first cell phone.....wow - was I excited (til I got the bill!).

Today, we have phones all over our house. If anyone needs to reach me, there are 3 phone numbers to try. And most of the time, the cell is attached to my ear or I am texting away on it. Its my link to my friends, to the office, to my family, and my entire schedule is saved in there...so I think of my phone as My Lifeline.

And I have the worst luck with them.

A few months ago, I had this phone. Loved it. And it was red which was just cool. Then the Phone Monster took control and every few minutes, the phone would turn on or off, depending on the what PM wanted to do at that moment. Sometimes it would charge, sometimes not. 3 trips to the warranty center and I finally gave up on it - traded it in for another brand and model.

That was 4 months ago. I HATE THE NEW PHONE. I know other people who have it; some love it, others hate it. It loses a charge after 2 hours of use (and when you are onsite at a conference, you need much more time than that from the phone!!!). Its re-categorizing my contacts as it feels fit - Allie ended up being merged with one of her co-workers information since their work number was the same. Annoying. The worst part is that I just spent 1 1/2 this morning trying to get it to sync to my work email. Lately, I have simply had the work emails forwarded to my personal email that would then drop into my phone. But then its hard to reply to those emails. I have uninstalled and reinstalled the software 6 times with no luck. Yes, I read the instructions.

Phone company tells me I cannot upgrade until July 2010.....what!?!?!? Thats crazy. But they did offer to sell me a replacement phone for $449. Sorry - not gonna happen.

I WILL have a phone that works....soon...cause I am losing my mind without My Lifeline.

New Road for Me

2009-09-28T10:08:00.000-05:00

"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." - Lou Holtz

My favorite quote of all time. One that at one time, I promised to live by. Lately, I have come to understand that I failed on that promise to myself. I didnt live by that. I let my attitude turn and lose the ability and the motivation to do anything but exist.

I am done with that now.

As I type, I am out of town on a work trip. I am surrounded by 50 meeting attendees and one co-worker. None of my family and none of my friends are here with me......I have time to sit just with me and reflect on the goods and the bads, the triumphs and the mistakes of the past year or so - whether they were entirely my fault or not. And I have time to decide what my attitude is going to be when I arrive home.

The attitude I have had in the past is one of bitterness - bitter that I didnt get the wedding dress I really wanted or bitter that we never had real newlywed time or bitter that I cant go to happy hour cause I have day care pickup that night. And know what, being bitter is exhausting.

I have such a full life - a husband that makes sure we have everything we need, a little girl who loves me and who I cannot imagine the world without, a family that is there when I need them, a job that I actually enjoy, and we have doctors that are keeping my family healthy in the face of Ma.rfan Synd.rome. And as I come to grips with all this, I realize that my friends really do like me and are still there for me, even after all the drama I have dished out in the past year.

I have the ability to be happy. I am motivated to move past the disappointments in the past and embrace all that I do have today. And my attitude will be positive as I start down this new road.

Lost and (Hopefully) Found

2009-09-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

I havent been myself in the past few weeks....months really. Okay, let's be brutally honest....I havent been myself in about a year.

I miss me.

Once upon a time, there was a me that was fun and happy and organized and could manage crazy daily schedules without thinking twice. I lost her. She is officially MIA. Not sure I should be allowed to call my blog super-anything these days.

Anyone know where to find her? Cause its time (as my boss likes to say) that I put on my big girl panties and deal with it!!!

Blogs are public domain....I am not going into the details....if you need the details of whats been going on the past year, well, you already know them.

But what I am going to say publicly is that even when it didnt/doesnt seem like I need you, my friends, I do. I always have. I am just horrible at reaching out and asking for that hand of yours.

And right now, a hug would be perfect. Oh, a martini wouldn't hurt either.

Which Way is Up?

2009-09-15T14:39:00.000-05:00

I have so many things to write about and so many things to say and so many things on my mind.

I am happy and sad. Stressed and relaxed. Worried and confident. A big huge ball of emotions about everything - work, life, home. The only thing I dont have right now are words.

Kindergarten is going great - one week down and into the second week. I expected that it would make us a little busier in the mornings but wow - its exhausting for Grace and us. We are getting in the groove though.

Work is insane - at a meeting this week, have another meeting next week, and traveling to yet another meeting the following week.

After that, its time for more doctor appointments.

But that's all I can manage to say right now.

School-Ager

2009-09-08T09:30:00.000-05:00

Grace: But Mommy. If I go to kindergarten, then I will be a school-ager.

Me: Yes, you will. You are a big kid now!

Grace: But I just want to be your baby.

Me: (holding back tears) Oh Gracie. You will always be my baby.

***********************************************************************

Her dress was all laid out 3 days ago. We got her a cardigan yesterday to complete it since its only 70 degrees here already (ummm, where did summer go?). And we had a great dinner to celebrate the night before school....complete with wine for Mommy and Daddy.

And then the morning came.

She was up, dressed, and ready to go an hour early. And begging to leave the house...she couldnt wait to get to school.

We practiced opening her snack container and zipping her backpack. I reminded her a million times about the note in her backpack for the teacher (still nervous that she will forget!!).

And when we pulled up to school, she jumped out of the car, grabbed the closest teacher she could see, and said, "Hi, I am Grace and I am in Mrs. T's class. I am a kindergartener".

She walked into the school and never looked back.

And I teared up....just a little.....she will always be my baby but now she is a school-ager.

Countdown

2009-09-07T17:08:00.000-05:00

Did you see the countdown above?

1 Day Until Kindergarten.

One Day.

24 Hours.

Manana.

The day after today.

My baby is going to wear a backpack, sit on a bus (even though it is a day care bus and not a big yellow school bus, its still a bus!!), and walk through a school to sit at a table with 25 other kids and learn to read!

Her backpack is ready...all decorated with Hig.h Sch.oo.l Musica.l stickers..amd hung by the door.

OMG!!!!

I am not ready for this..........I need another glass of wine.

Lists

2009-08-26T06:35:00.002-05:00

First there was the immunization list. Then the long list of paperwork. Those were all completed in the spring.

Now there is the supply list and the "Dates to Remember" list.

And the first day of school is still 6 days away.

Walking through the aisles of the office supply store last night, there were piles of crayons and pencils and binders and backpacks. Day planners and stickers galore. I love shopping for supplies but......

......buying school supplies for the first time for my child is different. She is now a "child". Not my baby or really my little girl. In 6 days she will walk into the elementary school with other kindergarteners and 6th graders!!! She is going to sit at a desk and learn to read. And develop friendships with people that will stand next to her someday at high school graduation.

She is so excited. I am too - for her. But I am a little sad - for the baby girl that grew up way too fast.

Dreams Come True

2009-08-21T07:33:00.003-05:00

It was hot. The days were long. The crowds were huge. But the smiles are bigger and the look of wonder in her eyes made the heat, long lines, and $6 scoop of ice cream well worth it.

In one sentence, it was magical.

And the only way to show how fabulous it was is with pictures.

The first thing we saw at Disney was the High School Musical parade at Hollywood Studios. Her eyes say it all - she was in awe. She kept asking Mommy, are those the REAL High School Musical people?! Yes was the only acceptable answer.

This is the look of pure wonder, amazement, and real magic. We went to a princess lunch and her face lit up every time a princess walked into the room. And yes, the attire is a result of the princess makeover at Bippity Boppity Boutique in Cinderella's castle.

See, dreams do come true. The happiest little girl in the world at this moment.

Lilo and Stitch are fast approaching "Favorite Character" status for Grace. She was thrilled when we ran into them during the last few hours of the trip. The crown stayed on her head the entire week!!!!!!!

The family together on vacation. It was so good we are planning our next trip to Disn.ey already.

The Happiest Place on Earth

2009-08-08T15:28:00.002-05:00

That's where I will be until Thursday. And I am so excited that I cannot think or talk about anything else (sorry to all those who are sick of hearing about my planning for this trip).

I just cant wait to see the look on Grace's face and to simply enjoy time away with the family. TONS of walking. HOT HOT weather. But more fun than we have had in a long time.

It will be magical! :)

Not Ready

2009-08-07T09:25:00.002-05:00

My office phone rang the other day.

ME: Hi, this is me (well, I really said my full name but....)
CALLER: Hi, J. This is Ann from the County. I am looking at the kindergarten enrollment papers and have a few questions for you.
ME: Sure. What kind of questions?

And so that call went on to talk about Grace's Marfan diagnosis and how the school needs to prepare (or not) for her.

At the end of the call, Ann says "Tell Grace we will see her soon and that her classroom is all ready for her!".

I couldn't even speak after that.

Her SCHOOL? Her CLASSROOM? No, she's my little girl, not my school age child.

Ask Grace about school and she will tell you how much she is looking forward to it. That going to "the big school" is going to be fun. Ask me about it and my anxiety skyrockets!

She will make new friends. She will learn all sorts of cool things. But that also means she will stop being my Baby Girl.

With one month to go, those who know me would expect that I have the school supply list purchased already and a backpack all picked out. Nope. Havent even downloaded the supply list from the school website. And a backpack? Havent purchased yet. Honestly, I havent even thought about that all important First Day of School Outfit - you know, the one that will live on forever in the 4,208 pictures I will take that day.

I am going to cram as much Baby Girl time in as possible....starting next week at Disney World. Cause in one month and 1 day, I will be the mom of a kindergarten kid.

Now, where are those tissues!?!?!?!?

Where Have I Been?!

2009-07-31T11:39:00.005-05:00

Its been almost 2 months since I posted on here. Sorry. I wish I had some fantastic reason like cruising around the South Pacific or I won the lottery and have been too busy spending all the money. Instead I have lame excuses like I dont know what to write about and when I do find something great to post, by the time I sit down to write, I forget what it is I was going to write about. Or how about nothing interested is happening. Or finally, I just really put the blog posting on the sideburner lately.

There.....those are my excuses. But the reality is that I miss posting here so damn it, I will more often from now on.

Promise. Pinkie swear.

I am still reading all my favorite blogs and even found some new ones. Some momblogs, some not - I am diversifying people!!!

And the last 2 months have been pretty good......I will catch you up on all that - Facebook status updates just arent enough so all the details can be posted here and you may find out something new, even if you are my FB Friend and get to see all my updates on a daily basis.

Up Next - the spirited child......read the book, love the book, and some of the advice actually works..................

I Heart NKOTB

2009-06-08T21:14:00.005-05:00

Me and the girls

20 years ago, every Friday was NKOTB day in 5th grade. We all wore all the New Kids stuff we could and pledged our never ending love for these 5 random boys in the hottest boy band of the year. And then one day, they broke up and went back to normal lives.

And here we are.....as moms, professionals.......adults.....all together seeing our boys again in concert. You never really do forget the first band/artist you fell in love with, you know? We all still know every word to the songs from back then. And yes, I will admit - I know all the words to their new album too. What can I say - its really good treadmill music AND I am a sucker for remembering the days before real life started. :)

Enjoy - I took over 100 pics at the concert - these are just a few of my faves and video of one of the classics......if you can hear the singing over all the screaming girls!!!! :)

Jonathan - my FAVORITE New Kid.

Jonathan (with his back turned), Jordan, Donnie, and Joey.

NKOTB. 2009.

Family Time

2009-06-01T21:30:00.005-05:00

We left town this weekend. Opportunity knocked and we did it - took off for a long weekend of family time and a few hours on the beach.

What would a weekend trip post be without photos!?!?!

Grace enjoying a "hot" chocolate at a diner in Norfolk. LOVE the high ponytail, dont you!?
The Diva on the beach.

Look - an actual picture of me!!

Ta-da! A sand castle built around her feet buried in the sand. It was hysterical to watch her try to get her feet free!!! Now THIS is what a tired little girl looks like.

I Know the Grass is Greener but....................................

2009-05-14T16:07:00.002-05:00

..........there are some days that all I want to do is pack up my pictures and my "stuff" and head home....to stay there. Away from office politics and away from expectations impossible to meet (cause they keep changing and getting higher and higher!). I just want to be able to breathe easily for more than 2 seconds....just for a little while...even just a day would be nice.

But then again, the cell phone bill, the preschool bill, and the pool boy all need to be paid.

Its A Tough Commute

2009-05-12T21:42:00.005-05:00

Part of my job involves networking....well, my job DEPENDS on networking. Its all about who you know! I am part of the leadership in one of the largest chapters in a large professional association for the meetings industry. And I attend educational events at least once or twice a month - mostly with my chapter but sometimes other industry groups.

me on the boat....what you dont see is the glass of wine!

Tonight was such a night at another groups event - the group my mom belongs to. And we traveled across the Potomac River in style........by boat.

Its a tough commute for us sometimes. :)

My mom en route to a work function via boat

Our destination - The National Harbor. That's the new Gay.lor.d resort in the background.

The beautiful sunset on the way home.

Talent or Just Obsession?

2009-05-06T07:54:00.004-05:00

H.annah Mo.ntana/Mile.y Cyru.s. Tayl.or S.wift. H.igh Sch.ool Mus.ical. The soundtrack of my life these days. There isnt an evening that goes by, after a long day at the office, that I get to listen to one, if not ALL, of these songs with Grace singing every word.

I cant really complain. If these celebrities are the ones she is idolizing right now, so be it. At the core, they seem to be good "kids" and are age appropriate for the 5 year old. And let's be honest - they wouldnt be this popular if they werent any good.

Grace can hear just a few notes of a song and identify the artist. She can repeat the lyrics after hearing a song just a few times. Hubby has exposed her to all sorts of classic rock (Ze.pplin, Clap.ton, etc) and she can tell you when J.immy P.age is playing the guitar in a random song. Amazing.

I mentioned this to Grace's doc at her 5 yr old appointment last week. His response surprised me - he said that since she has always had (whether we knew it or not) a vision disability, her hearing may have developed faster and compensated allowing her to pick up these details at a young age. He encouraged me to sign her up for music lessons if she seems so pulled to that activity. Which is great since Hubby got her a Fender Acoustic guitar for her birthday.

It was the word "disability" that struck me. Yes, her lenses are dislocated. Yes, at some point in her life, they will most likely require surgery. And yes, every day of her life, she will have to manage her syndrome and its limitations and risks.

But is this music thing a talent she has hidden somewhere or simply an obsession with her current favorites? She tells us she wants to be just like Hannah or Taylor all the time. Is that real or does she just like their glittery outfits and cool dances? Hard to tell at 5 years old.

And so, this weekend the search begins for music classes and guitar lessons for the kindergarten age group. Maybe they have stage mom classes as well?

The New Project - Organize My Life!

2009-04-22T11:17:00.004-05:00

Kindergarten orientation. I didnt tear up once. What I did do was totally freak out! Not over what she does know or doesnt know. Not over the fact that Grace walked right into the classroom without even saying bye to us during the parents orientation. I am in the midst of a total breakdown over how to manage all these new additions to our life.

Backpacks, notes from the teacher, library books, field trip permission forms, etc, etc, etc. My head is barely floating above water now! Not to mention, she will have 2 sets of teachers - kindergarten and the after-school care at her current day care.

Its middle of April. School starts on September 8 - sounds far away but really, just around the corner. According to the ticker, I have 4 months to get myself, my family, and my house organized for the beginning of the next 14 years of our lives. Oh, where to begin!!! The next few months are going to be a crash-course is organization around our house.

Extended Family

2009-04-18T10:56:00.003-05:00

I grew up with some of the best people I know - my extended family. They started as childhood friends but here we are, almost 20 years later, and we are still part of each other's life.

And just yesterday, Grace met her newest extended family member - Aidan.

Aidan Charles, born 04.09Grace with her new "baby brother"

Catherine, the new mom, with her favorite "neice" and her son

2009-04-02T08:05:00.003-05:00

30.

Wow.

I remember thinking 30 was SO old but today, I dont really feel old. OldER maybe, but not old.

Friends have been telling me that their 30s were the best years of their life. And I think I already agree with them. Driving into work this morning I was thinking back and realized that I have a lot of expectations for my 30s.

Teenage years - well, they are what they are for everyone. HS was fun. I met some of my very best friends back then; I also have people who impacted my life who I dont see often or talk to much but think about all the time. All of them started me on the path of who I am today. And I love them all for it.

20s - wow, those were some tough years. And some fabulous years. Decisions in my 20s changed my life - mostly for the better but some not. I cant regret any of it though - I struggled through much of my 20s but the last half of that decade (wow, that sounds like a really long time!) was worth it. I met Hubby and we started our family. And that made all those hard times worth it.

My 30s - well I have only been in my 30s for about 3 hours now. Expectations are high! I finally feel like life has fallen into place - I have a wonderful family, great friends, a career that I am so proud of, and everything I have worked so hard for is coming along.

Bring it on 30s! I am looking forward to it all!

New Friends?

2009-03-31T08:27:00.002-05:00

As Grace is getting older, we find ourselves with a social calendar full of birthday parties. Really - it seems like there is at least one a month....and that is just from preschool friends. There is a rule there - if you invite one kid from the class, you have to invite all of them. So we did - 27 invitations just for school friends, plus her friends from daycare....that makes 38 invitations to a 5 year old's bday party!!!!!

As the RSVP phone calls start coming in, I find myself chatting with the other preschool moms. I have always had this vision of meeting all the other school moms and starting these great friendships that will last Grace her whole life. That's how I know some of my very best friends. Grace has found some great little kids at day care and preschool and we have developed these friendships - really, dont know what I would do without Sarah and Elise and their awesome parents!

Kindergarten is around the corner and that means the preschool kiddos will all be going to different schools. Last night, one of the moms called me about Grace's bday party. Her daughter adores Grace and this mom wants to get the girls together to play. Seriously, that was last night at 6PM - since then, I have gotten 3 emails from her!!! Not that I dont want to be friends with her, not that I dont think her daughter is adorable, and Grace definitely wants to play with her but.............do I help Grace develop this friendship now when we know the girls wont be going to the same school and the other girl wont be at the after-school care after August? At 5 years old, its not like they can call each other after school and hang out.

But then again, what if this girl and Grace end up BFFs, regardless of where they are in school?

And really, why am I so worried about this?!

Time

2009-03-25T10:19:00.006-05:00

Grace -

5 years ago, this week, I was putting the final touches on your nursery and trying to finish things at work so I could go on maternity leave. Your daddy and I were spending all our time with his family and my final moment with Grandma Katy was so special - her arm was stretched across my HUGE tummy and you kicked. It was amazing....you just knew how to make that moment one I will never forget and one that I know in my heart made your Grandma Katy very happy.

My due date came and went; 2 weeks later you decided that it was time to meet us. And life has never been the same.

One of the first pieces of advice I got from family and friends was to cherish every moment because time moves so fast and babies turn into kids quicker than you can imagine. I listened and nodded. But it wasn't until last night that I truly understood.

I was folding laundry. You were watching a movie but cant sit still so you were chatting with me as well. What a little mind you have - talking about when you will be a mommy one day and explaining to me why the dog in the movie has superpowers. And who can forget your singing and dancing performance to the HS.M soundtrack! You have such a curious mind and have your own ideas and opinions.

But what really made me understand how big you are now is what I downloaded on my laptop - kindergarten registration forms. For the past year, I have been saying how much I am looking forward to the first day of school for you. I still am - you are so smart and you are going to love it there. But I am sad too; my baby is all grown up. Before I know it, you will have boyfriends and your own car and then you will leave for college. It all seems so far away but then again, 5 years passed in front of my eyes and I didnt even realize it.

I love you Gracie-Moo. Kindergarten kid or not, you are my baby.

New and SO Pretty

2009-03-23T10:34:00.004-05:00

The new bathroom.....all new......vanity, lights, toilet, floor, baseboard.....the only thing "leftover" from the old room is the hand towel (havent found new ones I like yet) and the body spray on the counter.

The room is simple, clean, and new. I love it. But now its lacking any color - it desperately needs something with color. On the search for the perfect wall decor to deal with that. Until then, this is it.

Overbought on the paint so now I am debating which project to take on next - which room in this house needs to be painted "Raffia Cream by Behr". I am thinking the guest room/play room....we shall see.

25 hours a day

2009-03-12T09:42:00.002-05:00

I have a problem saying NO. And right now, I realize that inability has reared its ugly head again. I was starting to get that under control but not so anymore. 3 conference calls and 1 webinar today for industry groups not to mention my paying job.

As I write this, I am on a conference call for an industry group re-writing an application for certification. And its painful! Seriously painful. How can we through an application process and review for a professional certification without a full resume and work experience?!?!!?!? ARGH!

I am staying quiet right now because I just cant handle some of this crap. Really people? How are you going to score and rate that?

I need coffee.

What Are You Doing Today?

2009-02-27T09:42:00.002-05:00

Its been 4 1/2 years....really, almost 5 years....since we moved into the house. And since Day 1, I have had plans to redo the kitchen, deck, basement, and powder room. NONE of those things are complete today.

But, in the next few days, the powder room WILL be done. I can hear the hammering and tearing of drywall now as I type this. VERY exciting here today.

Here is the picture after a few hours of work to include a water valve issue (its fixed now). More later as it progresses.....................

The old vanity with no top. I really wanted to take a hammer to this thing but realized that the clean up wouldnt be all that fun. Right now, its sitting on the back deck waiting to be taken to the dump later today.

No more old vanity!!!!! YEA!!!

Ahh, the toilet is out (and simply waiting to be cleaned and re-installed later) and all the little tiles are coming out soooo easily. Almost too easy - I have no idea how it stayed down for so long the way it was installed.

Adios old tile!!!!!

Back to Reality

2009-02-16T10:22:00.002-05:00

The whirlwind is finally slowing down.

For the past few months, work has dominated my life. The annual conference was amazing.........perfect. Really, it was the best conference I have ever managed. I am still on a high from the entire week.

Our closing entertainment was the only worry I had going into the conference......and looking back, I worried over nothing. Ja.son Castr.o from A.merican Id.ol closed our conference at the closing banquet and he was great!!!! Seriously. I am now a fan.

Okay, back to my busy day off......tons of errands to do before getting back to the real world of the office in a few days.

An Amazing Day

2009-01-20T09:49:00.004-05:00

I am not at the office today but I am working. On the couch with the new laptop and the tv on. Like the rest of the country (and I imagine most of the world), I am watching the continuous coverage of Obama's inauguration. Every channel is showing the events. And the National Mall - wow!!!! Right now, Metro reports there has been 409,000 passengars into the city. I am glad to be in my house watching all this and not on those trains.

Its a historic day. Those who know me know my political leanings. :) I tried to explain it all to Grace - its a pretty hard thing to explain to a 4 year old.

As I am watching the coverage of the Obamas arrive at the White House for a meeting with the Bush family, I am struck by something that has nothing to do with politics or even the historical significance. The way Barack and Michelle interact. Its beautiful.

They are driving around in his new Presidential limo yet he waits for her to be seating in the car and shuts her door before walking around to get in the car himself. He walks with her hand in hand. If they arent holding hands, his hand is on her back as they walk to and from the car. Even with all the stress on their lives and the scrunity they now live under, they maintain such a close and clearly loving relationship.

He gives the country hope that we can survive this economy and the war and all those incredibly important hard things the country is facing. But somehow, they, as a couple, give me hope again that love is alive and well in this country. That we can make it through - the hard times, the good times, the stressful times, and the celebrations.

That is the hope I see today.

New Toy!!!!

2009-01-18T16:54:00.002-05:00

Check out my new toy!!!

My old laptop was just that....old. A dinosaur in laptop terms. Still running Windows 98 and all those ancient things. The worse part (besides the weight of that thing!) was that the battery was so dead and the computer wouldnt charge a new one.........SO the portable benefit of a laptop was non-existent. It worked fine as long as you were plugged into the walk outlet. Not so conveinent all the time with a laptop, you know?

So with some extra income we have come across lately, I upgraded us to a REAL laptop....one that works and that has enough power to do what it needs to do. And just in time for my annual conference!!!

The biggest surprise was that the guy in the store told me they only had the grey model in stock but he could order me any color I wanted. I am a girl who likes instant gratification so ordering just to have a red/pink/blue laptop wasnt in my plan. When I unpacked the box, the girl at the store gave me a blue one!!! BONUS!!!!

And I love that I can sit on my couch and blog all this withOUT being plugged in!!!

Quote of the Day

2009-01-16T13:05:00.002-05:00

Every day, Rea.l Sim.ple magazine sends me a quote. I love quotes.

This is today's and it is so true.

The most important thing she’d learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.

— Jill Churchill

Has It REALLY been that long!?

2009-01-14T07:43:00.002-05:00

Wow - my last post was over a month ago! I never intended on neglecting My So-Called Supermom Life. Just happened while I was living that so-called life. :)

So, an update..............there has been so much happening that I am not sure where to begin.

Grace has turned into a "real kid" lately. Very self-sufficient and wow, what a funny little girl she is. Last night, we were watching Encha.nted (for the 29,287th time!) and I looked over at her, sitting on the couch with her juice and bowl of popcorn. I just can't believe how fast she has grown up. In 3 months, she turns 5! 5! That amazes me. Yep, its been a long 5 years and I never really believed they were flying by....but they did.

Work is insane for me. 23 days until the annual conference and my stress level is through the roof on most days. A lot of "c.heifs" here and all the "ind.ians" are whining. But overall, its good. Things are getting done....maybe not the way I prefer them but at the end of the day, as long as the to-do list has checks by the task, its fine. ((((Check that out--- I am learning to be flexible!!!)))

I finally took down the holiday decorations last weekend. I love the holidays and hate taking all the ornaments off the tree and boxing them up. It took me an entire day to decorate the house and only about an hour to put it all away again. It was a good Christma.s this year. We must have visited San.ta 50 times during December - and Grace loved it!!

All in all, I have nothing crazy to blog about. Life is life. Ups and downs. Right now, we are just trying to survive the next month until my conference is over and life returns to normal. Or whatever normal is for us!

School Pictures

2008-12-04T08:19:00.002-05:00

Grace brought home her first set of school pictures yesterday. SO adorable and so grown up!

Sick

2008-11-11T13:18:00.001-05:00

Life has been pretty simple lately. Sure, there are the everyday stresses and the work stresses. But no major drama. I was starting to get used to it...until all that changed today.

My dad is in the hospital. In about 3 hours, he will be having his appendix removed.

The last time I remember my dad being sick was YEARS ago, when I was in high school; he had his gallbladder removed then. Every time he gets sick, the docs have to take something out of him. He better quit getting sick - there isnt going to be anything left to take!!!

Drama continues......

Skirts from Heaven

2008-11-06T12:12:00.001-05:00

Seriously, check this new online store out......the skirts are amazing for little girls!

I just need to decide which one to get for Grace.

http://stores.homestead.com/grosgrain/StoreFront.bok

Get In Line and VOTE!

2008-11-03T21:48:00.002-05:00

Today, we have an opportunity. An opportunity to have an opinion and that opinion matters. My friends know (pretty clearly) where Hubby and I stand on this election. But no matter what you believe or who you vote for, it matters. So VOTE!

Grace is coming with us to vote. Its important to us that she experience the priveldge we have as Americans on Election Day. We have bought several books lately for her about elections and about our candidate (there is a children's book about his life - how cool is that!?!). I am probably going to be late for a meeting and Hubby is probably going to miss a couple hours at the office. Voting is more imporant than anything else on our calendar so that is just how it is on November 4.

VOTE!

2008-11-03T12:36:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow is Election Day. And yes, I am voting. Whether I can walk right in as I have always done or if I have to stand in an hour long line, I am voting tomorrow.

This may be the funniest election video I have seen this year. Equally opportunity in its jabs at the candidates. Just plain ol' funny.

Time for Some Campaignin'

Trick or Treat - Princess Style

2008-10-31T21:17:00.005-05:00

Its been awhile.

Tonight my feet hurt and my stomach is starting to ache. Walking house to house for 2 hours and eating candy along the way will do that to you.

But how can you resist the most adorable Princesses in the world!?!?!?

Snow White and Cinderella......otherwise known as Sarah and Grace

Trick or Treat!

And a little bit of the action.......

Mine, All Mine!

2008-10-07T12:58:00.002-05:00

Last night, Hubby got out champagne. Seemed like a strange choice of beverage to me at the time but whatever.

Until he handed me the mail.

Virgi.nia sent me the title to my car and the bank sent a "Satisfaction of Lein" notice.

I officially own the car. Its all mine.